


The Scars of War

by JournalVerse



Series: Regverse [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Pre-Undertale, Self-Doubt, War, Wartime, journalverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-05 23:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15181247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JournalVerse/pseuds/JournalVerse
Summary: Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: HUMANS and MONSTERS.One day, war broke out between the two races.After a long battle, the humans were victorious.They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell...Here's what happened on that fateful day from GASTER's point of view.





	1. A Recurring Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> What's up guys! Silver here, bringing you a rewrite of the first ever posted Journalverse story that started it all on Theskelejournals tumblr page. Unhappy with the outcome after 3 years of developing the story more and the characters, Lore and I have taken to rewriting key stories that help delve into Regverse. So here is the first official rewrite!

_How long had this damnable war lasted now?_ Better yet, how many times had it begun only to begin again? A simple question one would think. The war between monsters and humans only could have started once, right? Once and suddenly, uncalled for and savage. To anyone else, it would seem that way. If only it were that simple.  

Regardless, it was bound to happen. In recent years leading up to the spark, humans had steadily been getting more and more untrusting of the other species. Not even just them, really. A year earlier they had even crumbled and started fighting themselves. One assassination later and countries exploded into outright war. It was all monsters could do to stay on alert to try and keep out of their way, to not get wrapped up in the bloodshed.

Monsters started to notice strange things occurring a few months into the human war, however. Reports of heavy magic usage when monsters were nowhere in sight of the battlegrounds. Sending an investigation unit into the smaller surrounding towns, they discovered monsters and humans gathering in meetings with each other. Not just any meetings, say, for intellect. Word of magic exchanges happening from willing candidates made it back to the Capitol, monsters who wanted to see what direction this war would go into without being directly involved. Once the king, Asgore, got wind of this, he vowed to put together a group to dismantle these acts. He wanted no part in this war of folly and made it adamantly clear.

His oldest friend and trusted colleague, Dr. Wingding Gaster, offered himself profusely for this secretive task. Having graduated from college with a degree in the study of souls and biochemistry not long before the human war began, he was adamant about getting in and seeing exactly what was going on. The two of them had almost grown up together, meeting halfway through secondary school and bonding as brothers ever since. They were both young for their respective positions, Asgore a fairly new king and newly married to boot while Gaster was one of the first monsters to graduate with his kind of degree. In the end the two of them relied on each other, and because of that the king was skeptical. He worried that Gaster would get hurt by getting dragged into the investigation since there was a chance he’d get pulled into the experiments himself. It took a lot of reassurances and talks over tea, but in the end Dr. Gaster won and joined the sting operation.

With his own curiosity and willingness to put himself on the line to figure out exactly what was going on, Gaster and a select team snuck in to one of the abandoned buildings where the meetings were taking place. As suspected, humans were taking in pieces of monster magic with barely anything in return to those offering it. Once inside, Gaster decided to push the envelope. Being a boss monster, he offered himself to also give magic. “For the cause,” he had said rather convincingly. The leader of the group took him up on the offering, eager for the strong magic to his advantage.

Everything about the encounter felt wrong, foreign, _gross_ even, but Gaster let it happen for the science of it. For the proof. He felt the odd drain of his life force being sapped and in return was given a heaviness like lightheadedness and the feeling of a nasty cold sitting in his chest. After it was done, the skeleton monster slipped out of the meeting quietly and called for his group to act. They had plenty visual evidence, and the scientist was sure he now had something physical to show for all this.

By the end of the day, the group was busted by monster law enforcement and those who had been giving themselves up were detained for illegal activity. Other similar operations were found out and shut down across the country, much to the disdain of those participating. Gaster went to a doctor to make sure he was alright after the exchange, revealing remnants of the experiment clinging to his soul. Boss monsters had too much magic for any one human to try and grasp even in small quantities, so in return the human magic had leaked into his soul to make room in the human's. It was a haunting thought, to have _human_ magic interweaving with his soul, but Gaster knew the risks of tampering with someone's core. As queasy at it made him feel, it had been something he walked into willingly. Of course, going into such an operation didn’t come without other repercussions.

Propaganda started spreading after the incident about monsters becoming stronger after taking in human magic, twisting the actions of the meetings on the other species to blame. Fear started to dance in an already frazzled populace, leaving the monsters aghast in the fact that they had been used. The king was livid. While truth was mixed in that monsters _could_ become more powerful and take human souls, the humans threw the extreme around and accused the monsters of being a threat despite the past peace they had aimed to uphold. Countries started shouting about “who would get the stronger monsters” to win this war of theirs and monsters had to verbally retaliate that they wanted _no_ part in it. They were not to be auctioned off or to be treated like lesser beings because of their differences. Asgore refused to fight for a side, and so it was only the next natural step that they would eventually be targeted for their neutrality.

 It had all seemed like a nightmare when Dr. Gaster woke up that morning. He awoke with a feeling of dread and foreboding that couldn't be explained, dancing around his chest like an anxious drum. Not until the early afternoon when alarm bells crashed through the Capital did he understand why. Following the sound was a swarm of humans surging through the streets, cries of surprise and terror ringing below the drone of the bells. Fights and fleeing alike were scattered among monsters and men while the former attempted to get their bearings enough to fight back.

 Bitter, afraid, and untrusting of the monsters and their magic, humans began attacking out of nowhere. No runners, no signs, nothing but the border guards ringing the bells typically only used for Sunday services. Asgore called for a defense immediately and every monster that was able to came to their King’s aid while others scrambled for safety. But the humans were much stronger than monsters in both intent and in population. This had been an ambush planned for months after the reveal of the magic sharing no doubt, and they had the element of surprise. They had managed to wipe out several monster towns and cities, leaving no one to run a warning before they approached the richer monster territory. Soldiers wreaked havoc among the ranks and buildings like it was nothing, felling monster after monster while taking barely any injury. Smoke choked the air as fires sprung to life and consumed everything in its path. It was like a savage tide surging forth and dragging all it crashed into, smothering it into nothing but dust. Everything was chaos.

 And like being woken from a bad dream with a clash of thunder, Gaster jolted with a gasp to the dark of his room with murky, unclear memories as if nothing had happened. As if the remnants of a bad dream simply clung to his subconscious and nothing more, settling in his chest like unquelled anxiety. But something _had_ happened, and it would happen again. At the exact same time that early afternoon. It was the worst case of deja vu he'd ever had, and it only worsened when Gaster awoke yet again to his bedroom and not the chaos of breaking into the tree line outside the city.

 Each time he awoke he retained more, realized more.

 There were three things that dawned on him. One was that somehow, _someway_ , the day was resetting itself. Two, the circumstances of the resets happening were never the same. Sometimes they wouldn't even make it out of the Capitol, other times hours passed and they had plunged into the depths of monster territory for reinforcements, or sunk deep into human forces. But the third thing he learned was the most haunting.

 He was the only one who could see time changing.

 Over and over again the day reset, all focused around the human ambush on their Capitol. At first Gaster thought he was going mad at the feeling of repeating the same day constantly. Was he locked in a permanent premonition or was he simply losing his mind? What… what had taking in that human magic _done_ to him? Hoping to disprove both dismaying theories, Gaster confided in the king. Asgore was his oldest friend, surely he would understand when others may think him going crazy. The king admitted to him he had no knowledge of anything the good doctor was going through, but advised that he may try and write things down when they seemed abnormal or repeating.

 “I’m no psychiatrist,” he rumbled worriedly, “but perhaps this could be therapeutic and prove what is real.”

 Uncertain, Gaster took what little time he had began to calculate he'd have before chaos broke out and bound a journal with magic. He wrote in it, recording how many number of repeats he could recall and a shorthand of all the circumstances that had arisen before each reset. Sure enough, the journal held up next time Gaster awoke and found it by his bedside. His writing was still intact when everyone else's memories failed.

  _What kind of magic was this?_

 Every time it reset, everyone forgot. And every time it reset, Gaster warned the King of the humans impending attack and told him about how he knew. It became a practiced speech, one he could spew quickly without stumble or fail to save as much time as he could in his warning. Unfortunately, it was never soon enough to rally the outside villages. The humans still took everything they could with swinging swords, fires, and their own or stolen magic.

 It was after what felt like two weeks of resets that Gaster noticed something off in one of the fields they always went to. There was a strange boy in the fray of fighting humans, sliding through the crowd and watching with a glint in his eye that left the skeleton unsettled at first sight. He thought it was because the human looked so young out there, so out of place. Not a man but a little older than a child, his mop of hair coming to the elbow of most soldiers. It wasn't uncommon for humans to send young men to battle when they barely had fuzz on their face, but something about this lad rubbed him the wrong way. It wasn’t the fact he looked so young, Gaster realized, but the fact he looked so _hardened_. When the boy caught the skeleton staring, he gave a teasing, rueful grin and the scientist felt a weight settle over him.

 Gasping, Gaster shoved himself up into the darkness of his bedroom.

 Could, no… could this boy, this human barely old enough to be on his own truly be the source of this? Had it been coincidence? He… he had to be sure. Even still, the way the child had looked at him… The intent in just his stare alone.

 

 

And so he went through the day again. Scramble up, write it down, warn the king, rush out of the palace to evacuate the city and surge into the woods, make it through to the tree line where they would rest, then rush into the field.

After weaving around and searching, sure enough Gaster caught sight of the human again. The boy was doing his own crowd sliding, moving around attacks and groups and staying out of danger surprisingly well. His eyes were keen, shining a haunting shade of reddish brown. No, no, not even that brown. His eyes were _crimson._ Those rich eyes turned on the skeleton, a brow raising and recognition lighting his face. He must have seen it reflected back because his brow simply rose higher in curiosity, a smirk twisting its way onto his face. He spoke something, and Gaster was too far away to hear exactly what was said. If he had to guess, the word that played on the human’s lips looked an awful lot like “ _curious.._.”

Gritting his teeth, the monster pushed forward to try and approach the boy. All the while the young human stared him down, a mix between cruel teasing and disgust on his face. Calculating. When Gaster got close enough, the air was filled with a shout of alarm as the boy ducked and cowered behind a nearby soldier. The scientist froze, eyes wide in surprise. What, had he…?

A sword swung in his direction and it was all the skeleton could do to lean back to avoid it. He ducked hard, nearly falling, and rolled away haphazardly into the grass before scrambling up to try and avoid another attack. Bones sprung from the ground beneath the soldier, knocking the human off his feet and into another awaiting row of attacks. With a quick look, Gaster realized the boy was nowhere to be seen. In his next glance back around, darkness swallowed his vision and left him flailing in his own bedding. With wide eyes and shaking breath, the skeleton was left staring off in confusion at his wall. Confusion, irritation, and _resolve. He has to be the cause_.

The next march on the field left him with sharper searching eyes. He had to find that child, he _knew_ they were apart of this and had simply hid when he got found out. Battles erupted around him but Gaster simply swerved around them, throwing bones in the way of those who got too close to misdirect and deter any other fighting. Again he found the human and again the boy looked at him with a raised brow. This time it was more challenging, a grin twitching at his lips. The sight made the scientist's soul sink.

“What are you getting out of this?” Gaster called over to him in Common speech. The boy looked startled for half a second, only for it to melt away as Gaster continued, “What gratifaction could you possibly be feeling from all this repeated fighting?”

At first the human didn’t look like he’d answer, ducking beneath an elbow swung a little too close for comfort. Then those red eyes turned, hard and glinting in his direction. The pitch of his voice made Gaster’s soul shudder, hearing the youthfulness smothered by the edge of controlled anger, “You monsters took everything from me. So now I’m taking it from you!”

“I… what? That's... Doesn’t this bother you?” Gaster shouted back over the fray, bewildered, taking a step closer with arms spreading in a motion of peace, “This bloodshed, this can’t be what you want! There are other ways to--”

“This is exactly what I want,” the boy snapped back, face twisting into a near snarl. “I don’t need some _freak_ to tell me it isn’t! You couldn’t possibly understand!”

His words were marked by darkness and the plushness of blankets, leaving Gaster groaning in dismay into his pillow. The words echoed around in his skull tauntingly, a helpless feeling clinging to his bones. Was their fate seriously being controlled and contorted by an angry human no older than a child? How did he expect to win against _that_ ? Especially one who seemed so stubborn. There _had_ to be a way.

The field stretched into view and Gaster’s steps were beginning to memorize a pattern. He ducked, dodged, and evaded attacks he knew were coming as his eyes stayed ahead. Attacks flew behind him but he paid little mind what they struck, so long as they kept his attackers away. He _had_ to reach the boy. White eyelights met red again and the boy simply glowered at him impatiently.

“Aren't you getting tired all of this turmoil and violence,” Gaster questioned. “Of death?”

“You monsters sure aren't,” the boy sneered in response. The words sent a flush of anger through the skeleton, seizing his spine in tension. Of _course_ the other monsters weren’t, they couldn’t see or remember anything other than this single day happening only once. Right then, right now, that was all anyone knew. Gaster however, oh he was getting very tired of it. Exasperation was clawing at his insides, dragging him down into irritable moods that he tried to smother beneath rational thinking. He was normally such an agreeable man, friendly and calm even. Happy, excitable. But this repetitive day constantly dragging on and the nature of it was wearing on his psyche far more than he liked to admit. He had to reach the boy. He _had_ to _stop this._

It was becoming a normal thing. Gaster would awaken and blindly, stone faced go through the day until he was on the field. Steadily becoming desensitized to the constant fighting, he would streak across the grass, avoiding battles but then felling anyone who got in his way. His mind was on one task and one task alone. The boy would come in sight and the two would meet eyes, and words would pass between them.

“You can't get anywhere with this,” Gaster tried to reason, “Returned sorrow doesn't heal past grief! This won't ease your soul no matter how much you think it will. Please see re--”

“Lecture your own kind, freak,” was the boys biting response, “You'll never stop me!”

Another reset, another heavy sigh into his pillow at the childish behaviour, and another exasperating trek across the field to confront it.

“Aren't you afraid of being just like the monsters who took everything from you?” It took everything to keep the building anger out of his voice, instead pushing toward conviction. “Just like us?”

At this, the boy’s eyes shone with fiery anger and contempt.

“No, I'm BETTER!” Then the human paused, narrowing his eyes ruefully at the skeleton. “Why are you bothering even trying to stop me? You know you can't unless you're just stupid. No one can.”

“Because,” Gaster huffed, biting back the growl in his voice, “I want to protect my people just like you want to protect yours.”

At that, the boy barked a laugh. The scientist stared, his expression falling as the human turned far too gleeful eyes his way.

“I'm not doing this for them.”

_I’m not doing this for them._

It was those words that replayed in the scientist's mind on the next arduous trip. He was losing count how many times this had happened, it felt like weeks since he'd discovered the source. A month even, that sounded closer to being right. While everyone around him was going strong, he felt like he had been waking up from an exhausting nightmare every single night without an inch of rest. He felt drained, emotionally and mentally, doing everything he could to not just snap in anger at every little inconvenience. _I have to do this… I have to stop him. I’m the only one that can. I have to convince him to stop... Gods, please let me be able to do this._

Their next exchange was a plea, Gaster’s face drawn in a miserably tired frown. Hoping that something, _anything_ , would make the human see sense. The boy had to at _least_ be getting bored if nothing else.

“Please… just stop this.”

After an agonizing pause, the skeleton was met with an even more agonizing answer.

“Never.”

“We can't die if you keep resetting like this,” Gaster pressed, desperation slipping into his voice and making it pitch louder. “You'll never get your revenge this way! This is beyond _pointless_!”

“I don't want you to stay dead,” the boy spat. His fists curled, anger striking like lightning between his eyes. “I want you to suffer. I don't know if monsters go to hell when they die, so I will make sure you stay stuck in one!”

A haunting feeling crept over Gaster when he awoke next, trembling where he lay. What had happened to that boy to cause him to harbor such _hate_ in his soul? Not only that, could Gaster actually wear the child down from it? Every time he confronted the boy, he looked the same while the skeleton was starting to drag in his movements. The human was unfazed while he continued to feel more and more worn. The boy was steadfast as ever, and Gaster felt his integrity starting to waver.

Finally, the scientist changed his routine and confessed to the king about the child as well. Asgore seemed alarmed by mention of the boy, not understanding how a human could affect time like he was. Troubled, unsure, his face carried a frown even as Gaster shoved the notebook into his friend’s hands for proof. Asgore could feel the magic coming from the book, he knew his friend wasn’t just scribbling maddened nonsense.

“I've never encountered such magic before,” Asgore said, running a hand through his mane.

Gaster simply shook his head, exhaustion showing in his eyes. “Neither have I. Asgore I… I don't know what to do. He won't _listen_.”

“Keep trying what you can,” the king encouraged, but there was only a little feeling in his voice and his smile didn't reach his eyes. “I have faith you can figure out something to stop this. I would help but... “

“You're needed with your people, I know.” Gaster sighed heavily. Asgore and Toriel would have to remain with the rest of monsterkind for support. It was up to Gaster alone. Monsters needed their leaders in trying times, and the scientist was the only one who took notice of the tampering human. It was up to him. It had honestly always been up to him. _I just don’t know what else I can possibly do anymore._

So Gaster pressed on.

He continued each day, each reset despite them wearing on his mentality and his patience. He spoke to barely anyone outside of Asgore until he was on the open field. Once there, his eyes were fixed on a singular point, his stride carrying heavy purpose with each determined step. The pair of eyes met as they always did when he was close enough, burning tension between them of what would happen next.

Eyeing him curiously, the boy took a few steps to the side as he stared the skeleton down. It was the human who spoke first, drawing a startled look from the monster, “How come you can see and remember me but no one else can? You’re the only one who ever bothers to approach me.”

_So I really am the only one._

“Can the other humans tell what you're doing out here,” Gaster questioned back, raising his own brow.

“I asked you first,” was his sneered response. The skeleton let out a sigh.

“I don't need to answer to the one who keeps shoving us into endless strife,” Gaster said tiredly, wearily.  

Tilting his head, the boy squinted at him in quiet calculation. Finally he let out a snort and a shrug, a slow grin crawling onto his face. “Oh well. I guess we're both freaks for our kind. Either way, you're getting _annoying_.”

The next thing out of the human’s mouth was a blood curdling scream. The sound exploded all around them, causing Gaster to flinch and take a step back in surprise. He smacked his hands over the sides of his skull, gritting his teeth and shuddering from the sound. _Heavens…!_ When he looked up, the boy was gone. Nearby, a soldier whirled from his place with wide, searching eyes. They landed on a nearby soldier, alarm lighting up his face from what he saw.

“Joshua!” His shout was laced with a mix of anger and panic. “What in God’s name are you doing out here? Get off of the field, it's too dangerous!”

Invisible hands clutched around Gaster’s soul. _Joshua._ The boy had a name. Of _course_ the boy had a name, but that made one of his most dreaded choices of actions that much harder. Why did he have to hear a _name_?

“You won’t touch him, you devil!”

Snapping to attention, Gaster looked up with wide eyes to see the soldier charging for him. He scrambled back a step, throwing his hand forward with a wall of bones in front of him to deflect a powerful sword swing. Cracks and magic splinters exploded in the air as the sword cleaved through the bones, the tip of the blade catching the palm of Gaster’s hand and smacking it aside. The skeleton let out a cry of pain as cracks splintered across the surface from impact, blood and magic springing from the wound and down his fingers. The soldier's trek only slowed momentarily, but it was enough. Despite the injury, the skeleton’s hand sprung to life with a blue glow as a similar one lit up the human’s soul. Arching his arm, the skeleton hurled the human into the crowd of fighting with a yell, backtracking away from the chaos that ensued afterward. His soul was racing, his mind spinning, and his hand _hurt._ With a hiss of pain, Gaster clutched at his hand and brought it to his chest shakily. _Good heavens th-that… ow..._

Movement caught his eye and the scientist looked up, a fire surging to life in his chest when he saw red eyes scrutinizing him. A grin was twisted on the human's face, and Gaster let out a growled huff of rising anger.

“Have you no compassion or understanding for life?!” His voice nearly cracked and he swallowed back the pain and indignation, breathing labored through his teeth. The boy, _Joshua,_ merely laughed back.

“No compassion for you,” he reassured, _boasted_ , “Only passion to watch you suffer!”

Wincing, Gaster straightened his stance and stared the child down. He really… couldn’t reach this boy, could he? The scientist liked to believe no one was truly unreachable, but such a mindset was naive he supposed. Still, a boy so _young_ to be this way… he was half Gaster’s age no doubt, give or take a year. Gaster continued to cradle the throbbing hand to his chest, pressing his palm into the wool of his jacket to add pressure. He knew it would soak in and possibly ruin his jacket, but at this point… did it actually matter?

“You never plan to stop, do you?” Gaster’s eyes searched the boy's face, a wave of trembling taking him over from the sting in his hand. God it _hurt_ , why did it hurt so bad? Cracks were painful and this… this was the first true crack he’d ever gotten. Maybe they were all this sharp and terrible. Or maybe it was the intent behind the attack, the human bent on killing him before he could reach Joshua. _Do you even know what he’s capable of? Of who you’re protecting?_

“Do you?” Gaster startled at the answer, realizing a second later that it wasn’t an answer to his thoughts but an answer to his spoken question. “Or do you ever listen? You beasts are stuck here for eternity with me as your _gatekeeper! You’ll never leave!”_

The boy was shouting now, face flushed with anger and eyes burning with magic. Gaster simply stared back, a hollowness opening up in his chest as the realization came into play. This boy, he _was_ unreachable wasn’t he? Nothing Gaster could do would stop him. Nothing… civil. His fingers curled into his jacket, holding back a whine of pain from the intricate movement. Joshua must have seen, a sneer lighting up his face.

“What's wrong, skeleton,” he goaded, waving a hand back over behind him. “Don't want to fight me? You had no problem throwing someone else around.”

“I don't,” Gaster rasped, voice rough from internal emotion and fatigue, “want to harm a child.”

“Spare me your stupid morals,” Joshua scoffed. “You act like you’re all high and mighty. Like you’re above me! But guess what, freak? When you die, you turn to dust. Meaningless dust! When _we_ die, our bodies get left behind because we’re still strong and don’t just _crumple_ away. We’re strong and we’ll crush all of you, and I’ll make sure we crush you all forever!”

It was like the background noise of fighting ceased and everything around him slowed. Blurred out to nothing but senseless spots at the corner of his eyes. The only thing Gaster could hear were the boy’s words ringing in his head, his soul beating hard, quivering in his chest. A woozy feeling was filling his nonexistent stomach, churning his magic to near nauseating levels. He felt absolutely sick. Crushed by a weight he couldn’t understand, pain singing at the edges of his bones not unlike the very real one stabbing into his palm.

“And you…”

“What?” Joshua narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms. “Speak up freak, you’re acting pathetic now. Did I hurt your _feelings?_ ”

Gaster swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut tight before opening them again. His brow furrowed on the human, his right socket becoming hollow as his left became alive with blue light. The nausea was turning into bitter anger, cold like rocks forming inside his ribs. His breathing became even more labored as he forced himself to speak above a whisper.

“And you call _us_ … the monsters.”

Startled anger sparked in Joshua’s eyes and he let out a yell of outrage to channel it. The action was marked by an all too familiar weight surging over him, and Gaster didn’t bother opening his eyes even after he was forced to gasp. He already knew he was back in the darkness of his bed.


	2. To Shatter Integrity

The entire morning, Gaster was uncharacteristically silent. No talking to himself in any language, no greetings to those around the grounds on his way to the royal’s quarters, nothing. He simply grabbed the notebook, wrote down what happened, and went to find the king. Gaster only uttered one word, _urgent,_  as he passed guards and walked on through unhindered. He could do it blindly by this point, likely in his sleep from the amount of times he'd done this exact same thing.

As Asgore confusedly went over the notebook for the upteempth time, the skeleton studied his palm with keen but weary eyes. His fingers flexed slowly and cautiously as his gaze roamed. No cracks or scars lined the delicate bone, and he had barely felt a tightness in his hand when everything reset. There was nothing. It was like it never even happened. He supposed in a way it hadn't, but while time and perhaps his body had forgotten, his mind had not. The vagueness of that pain still teetered somewhere on the edge of his conscious.

“That is…” Asgore’s voice stole him from his observing, but it trailed off almost as soon as it started. The king was lost for words, his face pulled into a puzzled frown.

“I don’t know what else to do, Asgore,” Gaster whispered hoarsely. Those wicked eyes and final words were burned into his skull. A child shouldn’t be capable of such hatred. A boy at the cusp of manhood _shouldn’t be so consumed with cruelty._ Gaster shouldn’t have to be going down the path of no return to simply stop a human from throwing a temper tantrum.

A boy shouldn't… have that much _power_ in his hands to just play with the lives of others.

“I think,” Asgore began slowly, rubbing a hand over his face with a heavy sigh, “we can both agree that kindness is no longer our best course of action.”

“No,” Gaster murmured back, the hollowness coming back only to be quickly filled with queasy dread. “It’s not.”

He was angry sure, angry and irritable and _tired._ He was so tired. Tired of fighting this seemingly endless fight with a human who wouldn’t be swayed. Tired of repeating the same day for what felt like months now, tired of _all_ of it. He just wanted it to be over. He just wanted to see what would happen _next_ and move on.

“I can see the toll this is taking on you, Wingding,” the King said quietly. He reached over, laying a large hand on Gaster’s with concerned eyes. The skeleton stayed solemnly unmoving. “You have been living weeks of hell in some… suspended animation while everyone else…”

“I’ll put a stop to it.” Asgore looked at him in quiet surprise. His brows furrowed immediately afterward, giving the boney hand a squeeze. “I’m the only one who knows the human. I need… I need to put a stop to it.”

“You’re very brave in doing this, my friend. As terrible as it sounds, you're doing the right thing.” Gaster winced. _...Am I though?_ “I don’t think anyone else has had to make a harder decision than this. This is a time of war, and hard decisions must be made.”

_Hard decisions must be made._

Those words scoured the inside of his skull, colliding with Joshua’s as he walked through the trees, as he stood just out of sight behind towering trunks and swaying branches. Beyond him stretched the field, humans standing in wait and shouting, jeering at them to come out. Monster soldiers and refugees met the challenge in kind, surging from the foliage and blasting the host with attacks the moment they could. The air exploded to life with magic and violence, and for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Gaster saw the chaos before him as if it were the first time he'd ever seen any of this.

A chill shuddered down his spine and he squeezed his eyes shut tight. He had... already killed in this war. He had speared bones through bodies and thrown others into soldier's swords on his determined path toward the human. He’d done it several times, it was like dusting fibers off his shoulders. Gaster hadn’t... even batted an eye then. Those people may not be dead this moment now because of the resets, but he could still feel the weight of it on his soul. He still _did it_ . At one point in time, he had still _killed_ people.

Joshua’s resets, while providing a clean slate for the world, did nothing for the filth that weighed on his conscience. The revelation brought the sick feeling back full swing, but once more he forced it down as best he could. He had a job to do. A sickening, cruel job. He _would_ stop this. He would make this cycle end. Even if it cost him everything.

His eyes darted around as the skeleton slipped into the field. Gaster’s steps fell in a familiar path even as his eyes wandered, his stride following habitual movements. He saw his comrades struggle, shoving against forces as much as they could. Humans were… incredibly strong. Unfairly so. It was all monsters could do to depend on themselves and the boss monsters to protect them. That’s why they needed their king and queen so badly. That’s why this was the scientist's task alone.

Gaster froze, his thoughts evaporating like mist when he realized where he was. Between the shifting crowd of monsters and humans fighting, he spotted Joshua weaving like always with wide, bright eyes. He looked completely fine, like this constant resetting did absolutely nothing to him. If anything, it seemed to _fuel_ him. He was _enjoying_ this. The monster tightened his jaw, breathing in slowly. He knew what he had to do, and oh how he so did not want to. _Hard decisions must be made_.

He strode forward, fists clenched and buried in his pockets. As Gaster approached, weaving through the throng expertly, the human glanced over and caught sight of him. His eyes cleared from the fighting and his expression turned smug. _Come to beg for me to stop again?_ it practically screamed. It only made Gaster feel worse.

The skeleton stopped a few feet away, staring down at the boy as he stared right back. Joshua showed no fear, only looking at him with an almost pitying gaze. He swore every encounter left the human even more arrogant than before. He likely thought himself untouchable.

_What's wrong, skeleton? Don't want to fight me? You had no problem throwing someone else around._

Gaster closed his eyes for a moment as the sounds of battle began to melt away.

_I don't want to harm a child._

He lifted his chin, breathing in deeply as he opened them to reveal hollowed sockets.

_Spare me your stupid morals._

“So,” Gaster finally spoke cooly, slowly, “it's come to this.”

Joshua simply smirked, shifting a little and crossing his arms.

“Ooh what, that sounds ominous.” He really had no care in the world, no remorse for what he did. No matter how many times this had repeated, how many times Gaster had tried to reason with the boy to get him to stop the resets, Joshua continued. _You truly have no compassion left in your heart. Fine._ _Enough is enough._

“I’ve done all I can to make you see reason,” Gaster continued, tone level. His expression darkened. “I would normally wish to apologize, but it’s clear that it would mean nothing to you.”

The boy barked a laugh. “Well aren’t you chatty today. Guess I didn't hurt your feelings _too_ bad.”

Gaster didn’t answer with words. Instead, he raised a hand from out of his pocket and the boy's soul lit up blue. All humor on the Joshua’s face vanished and the skeleton’s own visage was hard as stone. His eyes flashed to life with magic and emotion, one blue and one yellow, as he lifted the human off the ground in one smooth movement. Gaster held his own breath, bracing himself. _Gods have mercy on me._

 

__

 

Slamming his hand down, the human followed the action and smashed into the earth with a sickening, heavy thud, yelling into the dirt. He wasn’t able to catch his breath before Gaster lifted him and did it again, and then again. He released the boy, watching him shakily stand and spit blood from his mouth in defiance.

“W-why you…” Wrapping an arm around himself as he stared dangerously up at the skeleton, Joshua hissed in pain as he buckled and fell to one knee. His posture wavered, a pained but angry grin twitching onto his dirtied face. Heaviness washed over the air around them, nearly choking in its presence. The feeling sent Gaster’s soul lunging into his throat in a near blinding panic, barely keeping himself from crying out. _No... NO! I can’t do this again! Don’t!_

Gaster threw his hand out in front of him, seizing the boy’s soul as his own raced. The heaviness paused and dropped away as Joshua's breathing hitched into a strained gasp, leaving both the boy grimacing and Gaster releasing a nervous breath. _Too close, too close.._. He levitated Joshua close, mismatched eyes staring into the human's own battered red.

“Where's,” Joshua wheezed, glaring daggers at the skeleton, “those m-morals now, f-freak?”

In that moment, Gaster wavered. The hardened edge on his face broke, looking stricken as if he himself had taken a blow to the chest. His morals, his integrity, he… He had no other way. He had to make a choice. _He had to do this._ As quickly as his guard dropped, however, the skeleton reaffirmed his expression and stared back hard. His hand trembled but his grip held steady, the sound of his pounding soul drowning out the fighting around him and the doubts that crawled at the edge of his skull. He had to believe this was right.

“Do you really know the consequences of your actions, boy,” Gaster hissed, trying desperately to make the human see sense. Trying desperately _one last time_ . “Do you really wish for this to go on forever like some sick game? Is this what you want? For this hell to rage on? This violence?” _Show some type of sorrow, some type of true regret… please. I'll put you down. I'll stop this. I'll give you a final chance just… please. Work with me. Don’t make me do this. Please Joshua. You have so much you can do with your life if you just let go of this hate!_

The coldness in Joshua’s face was all the answer he needed. His silence spoke volumes when coupled with the hard line of his frown and the venom of his eyes. Bruised, battered, spitting blood and likely sporting broken ribs, the boy still refused.

A moment passed. A horrible, gripping moment of nothing but intense staring. Gaster inhaled deeply. _Then… I really don’t have a choice. I’m sorry._

“Very well,” he breathed out in a whisper. “I tried. May you find peace at the end of this.” And even quieter, voice shaking, “and I as well.”

With a loud thud, Joshua dropped to the ground. Surprise lit his face for a moment, but before he could rise bones erupted from beneath the earth and stabbed upward fiercely. They vanished only to surge up again, drilling up and down swiftly without mercy -- or was the swiftness of the onslaught mercy itself? Gaster forced himself to watch, to acknowledge his actions even as he trembled. _I'm sorry._ Even as he wanted to throw up. _I'm sorry._ Even as Joshua’s soul, glowing striking crimson like his eyes, began to lift above his broken body to shudder with magic. ... _I'm so sorry._ The scientist summoned bones again with a jolt of his fingers. They rose up, spearing through the soul to shatter it prematurely. It splintered and shook, crumbling away in a sigh of magic and intent.

Oh God the action felt so wrong. _So wrong._ To not let a soul naturally die but to actually _destroy_ it. Should he have wanted to, Gaster had the ability to take the human’s soul and become vastly more powerful than he already was instead of breaking it. To do what the humans feared. He could easily stop this wave of fighting. But he never wanted that. He never wanted to kill, never wanted more power. He never wanted _any_ of this. To possibly lose his soul by taking on an additional one... He just wanted this all to stop. He felt like he'd lost a part of his soul already. But... had the boy drifted by himself, Joshua might have been able to return and reset just like normal. Gaster halfway expected the heaviness of a reset to still settle over him like this hadn't mattered. Even if he had stopped the war from dragging on ceaselessly at the hands of a sadist, he still felt his insides churn with grief and disgust at his actions.

_I… I’m..._

_“Gaster!”_

A jolt of surprise and worry spiked over his senses, drawing him out of his lost stare. _Oh… oh no._ The scientist turned quickly to see the monster, already knowing who it was as his soul quivered, and was met by a different pair of crimson eyes staring at him from across several strides. They were wide, and in them was a mix of disbelief, disgust, and rage. Gaster felt a flinch deep inside but held his ground, looking at her helplessly as panic began to set in. _Oh no, there's… there's no way she didn't see that. She saw that. She saw that..!_ The skeleton searched for the words, his mouth hanging open as he tried to speak and explain. “Your Majesty, I--”

“You _disgusting_ excuse for a monster,” Toriel, queen of monsters, shouted over his attempts. The skeleton flinched, wanting nothing more than to duck and hide. This was wrong. This was so wrong, she wasn't supposed to see. No one was! The last person he wanted to witness this was Toriel! Her rage burned bright, magic surging off of her in distressed waves. “What have you done?! That was a child!”

Gaster’s mind raced, panic creeping harsher up his spine, sending his soul into erratic beats. What could he do, _what could he do?_ How could he possibly explain what she just saw? That the boy _had_ to be stopped, that he was keeping them in a vicious time loop, that there had been _no other way_ that he hadn’t tried? There was no time to convey that to her now. Had she watched the entire thing, it simply looked like Gaster had targeted a boy and attacked ruthlessly unprovoked. Oh God, where was Asgore when he needed him? He would be able to help!

“Majesty, Toriel, please let me--!”

“No! I saw what you did, _Doctor_. You do not need to explain anything.” Flames ignited in her clawed hands, tears of anger brimming her eyes as a ring of fire swarmed up to her knees. “How could you murder a child!”

_How could you murder a child?_

There was no time to react. Angry flames consumed his vision, leaving him shouting in agony as an attack struck deep into the depths of his skull and his very soul. Burning rage spilled over him that wasn't his own, splintering pain stabbing across his face and chest. At some point he lost his footing and anymore shouts were knocked out of him by the impact of the ground to his spine, at least for a moment. Gaster cried out again in pain as soon as he could breathe, his hands flying upward to grapple at his face to try and tear the pain away. _I can't, I can't, no..!_ Bells were ringing deafeningly in his skull, reverberating, loud and painful and oh god he wished they'd _stop_ . His hands finally settled over the most painful areas of his face, releasing a wavering whimper at the horrendous sting the touch provoked. This was a million times worse than the pain from the last reset on his hand. This was _mind numbing_ . His body curled into itself, shuddering, wishing for it to _just stop_. It felt like his skull was splitting in two.

_She attacked me… She attacked me, Toriel, she actually..._

Somehow, Gaster managed to roll onto his knees with his forehead tilting into the ground, still clutching at his injured face as trembles rocked over him. He tried to open his eyes but pain doubled at the attempt and he whimpered again pathetically with a flinch. Toriel had attacked him. _Toriel had attacked him_ . His best friend's wife, the one he had encouraged Asgore to pursue for courtship, someone he thought he'd befriended as well had actually _attacked_ him. Perhaps it was what he deserved, but it wasn’t what he expected. Aside from the physical pain, there was an ache in his soul at her turning on him. Especially on the field of battle. They weren't supposed to be fighting _each other_. Had she known his plight, his previous attempts at mercy and reasoning, maybe she would understand…

Or maybe not. _How could you murder a child?_ The words, hers and his own, haunted him. They reached into his already painful soul, latching wicked claws deep within. He had done what he had to, there had been no other way… there... He had to believe that. He hadn't tested his integrity for nothing. Right?

But Toriel, she… she wouldn't have resorted to this, would she? She had the personality to get wound up and snap, but with _youth_ she...

Over the din of the bells, fighting sounds began to slowly leak back into his hearing. Everything was coming back together but it was too loud, _too loud_ . It was drowning out any thought and his head was _pounding._ He honestly wanted to cry from how intense the pressure and pain was.

Gaster heard a voice calling out some distance away from him to Toriel. He recognized the sound and realization clicked that it had been Asgore. At least the King was still alright. If he could just find a way to stand again and open his eyes, he would make his way over to his Majesty and explain what happened. They had _just_ talked about it this morning. Asgore knew of the resets so he of all monsters should be able to assure him that he did the right thing. Because right now he still wasn’t convinced himself. To be reprimanded so severely by the Queen… he felt he had truly done something _wrong_ . And… and of course he did, he just, he just killed someone! You can't do more wrong than _murder!_

The sound of footfalls swiftly approaching broke him from his thoughts with a startle. Humans be cursed, he was still sitting in an _active battleground_! How a human hadn’t tried to strike Gaster down before now while he was low astounded him. As he tried to rise to confront the threat, a heavy hand laid on his shoulder and kept him down.

“Woah, Wingding, easy,” the deeper voice soothed. Gaster felt instant relief wash over him at the sound, sighing a sound close to a sob.

“A-Asgore,” he managed, keeping his hands over his face, “It’s, it’s over. The boy's gone.”

“I heard,” Asgore rumbled. There was sadness in his voice. “Are you alright?”

“I… y-yes, yes, it wasn’t the boy, it…” Gaster stopped, unsure about telling his best friend that his _wife_ had attacked him. How could he even say that? There was a deep sigh beside him and Asgore looped his arm around the smaller monster, slowly helping him up into a stand.

“I know who it was, and I am... so sorry,” Asgore said in a hush, “She didn't know the situation. It’s my fault for not telling her before this all happened. It’s bad luck that she was around to witness it. I thought she was by my side but when I turned, she was gone.”

Gaster felt a sick twinge in his gut. He hated this so much. His face hurt, his _soul_ hurt, he felt a whole whirlwind of conflicting thoughts spinning around his aching skull. Sure things hadn't been reset again, sure the threat was gone but _at what cost?_

“Don’t apologize for her or yourself,” Gaster said, voice hitching with emotion and trembling. He honestly felt like he was about to slip into hysterics. His breathing was starting to come in panicked gasps, chest heaving far too quickly as his words spilled. “I, I deserved it for what I did. I _killed_ someone, Asgore! I, I killed a _child_ of all things I--!”

“Hey hey woah, easy. Easy. Calm down. You did not deserve it, Wingding,” Asgore intoned as gently as he could. “We’ve talked about this. We _talked about this_. Remember? You did what you had to do.”

It took far too long to get his erratic breathing under control but after a long enough pause, Gaster gave a slow nod. _Right, I… I did what I had to. There wasn't… wasn't anything else I hadn't tried. I, there..._

“What the humans have started is a war. Death and injury happens, it’s inescapable. Especially for our end. We’re…” The King sighed, and even having his eyes closed the scientist could picture the despondent look on his face. His fidgety panic turned to a slower, colder dread. “We’re losing badly.”

“Then… then what are you doing here with me? The others need you out there, they need our King,” Gaster said with a deep frown. Ow, frowning hurt. Honestly _thinking_ hurt. He just wanted to sleep, he wanted it to go away. But even saying that, he couldn’t help but feel relieved that his friend was there when he was blind and in pain. At least someone was.

“They do, but you need me too right now,” Asgore replied with a steadier grip, “We’ve already lost so many. I’m not going to lose you out here as well because of you being injured.”

“Wait,” Gaster huffed, realizing only then that they were moving. His friend wasn't just holding him at his side, he was _carrying_ him. When had Asgore picked him up? It was only then he noticed the world wasn't swaying because of pain, but from actual motion. His pulse quickened and he flinched, biting back a noise of pain. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you back to the treeline. I won’t have you out here in this condition,” Asgore stated matter-of-factly.

“Asgore, no, I’m fine. I can still fight. Let me help defend--” Gaster tried to speak but was stopped by the King tightening his grip around him.

“You are far from fine, you haven’t stopped holding your face since we’ve moved, my friend, and you're bleeding,” Asgore chided gently. _Wait I'm… bleeding?_ Now that Asgore mentioned it, his hands _did_ feel damp and gross. Sticky, his world tasting of metallic and buzzing discomfort. Gaster’s soul sunk. _She… She really did hurt me. Oh god what did she…_ “You couldn't even stand. You’re in no condition to be out here. You’ve helped by stopping that human from keeping us fighting for all eternity, and if you ask me, I think that is the biggest help in and of itself. I know you want to do more, but right now you need a medic.”

 _You helped… by killing someone already. Several others if we count what you’ve done during the days that were erased. You don’t need to kill more._ The thought made Gaster shudder. He curled up tighter in the arms around him, conflicted emotions spinning out of control only magnified by his painful misery. He wanted to sleep, he wanted to cry, to shout, to throw something. He just… he didn’t want _this._ He was supposed to stop the resets and it was supposed to be _over._ Gaster supposed… it was foolish to think he would come out of this without consequences. Mental ones he expected, emotional. Physical he had not. _This is wrong, all wrong… Damnit..._

“Yes, your Majesty,” he managed to whisper back dejectedly.

“I know you want to help more. I’m sorry,” Asgore sighed softly, “but I will not lose you today, brother.”

“You won’t ever lose me,” Gaster whispered back.

He didn't have much time to think on anything else before the pair left the most active battle area. The decreased noise instantly made Gaster give a shaky sigh, thankful for the smallest bit of relief he could get. His least injured eye opened slowly and focused on the change in scenery as they moved. They were out of darting silhouettes and instead approaching quickly structured tents, set up further away from the battle under the shade of trees. It must have been set up soon after the initial charge. He'd never noticed before. Monsters of varying shapes and sizes laid injured on cots as others ran around to gather supplies and heal the wounded. Gaster felt a twinge at the sight of many labeled jars further off on a table filled with dust, bins of towels stained with magic and blood alike.

Two shapes broke away from the scuffling, turning in their direction and trotting over with purpose. One was a beige tabby cat monster roughly half the height of Gaster, and then a dark green fish type monster, very straight faced and quiet that was only a little taller. They both wore regular clothes as if they had come from being at home, and the illusion was only broken by dirited aprons strapped around them. Gaster tried not to look at all the gray and smudged colors mixed into what he knew was once brilliant white cloth.

“Howdy,” Asgore greeted with a smile once they were close enough. The expression wasn’t as heartfelt as it would normally be, but Gaster had a feeling in the circumstances, that could easily be overlooked.

“Greetings, Sire, and...” It was the cat medic who spoke, slightly out of breath from whatever running around she had been doing before plus the sprint over. Her ears flicked forward then back in thought, recognition lighting across her worn face. “Oh, are you Dr. Gaster, sir?”

“He is,” Asgore answered for him, and the scientist gave a silent thank you for it with a flickering magical hand. His senses were starting to go fuzzy from the throbbing of his skull and for once he didn't really want to speak for himself. “And he needs help, please.”

Around him, Asgore’s arms loosened and he shifted the skeleton gently, carefully moving to set him on his own feet. Gaster swayed for a moment despite the fact the king never let him go, then there was another arm bracing him from the other side. The fish monster had stepped close and had his arm around Gaster’s back, shifting to support him quietly. Asgore carefully let go to pass him over, taking a tentative step back from the three of them and straightening his clothing.

Despite being passed into the care of medics, Gaster didn't want to admit that he didn't want to leave the king. He was so used to everything repeating now that… he didn't know what would happen next. And he wasn't used to that. He was unsure. He was… afraid. He wanted the comfort of his oldest friend, but their people… They needed him more. Despite the grain of selfishness that wanted to keep Asgore near, he could be useful on the field in both magic and moral.

“Are you alright yourself, your Majesty?” the male assistant asked as he adjusted his grip on the scientist. Unlike the cat, he didn't seem spent at all. Quiet and stoic perhaps, and part of Gaster wondered why he was a healer and not on the field. Well, he was more lithe like himself. At the end of the day, he supposed he was in no right to judge.

“Yes yes, I’m fine don’t worry,” Asgore assured with a wave of his hand. His eyes settled on the scientist, nodding his head in Gaster’s direction. “Make sure my friend Dr. Gaster is, though. He took quite a hit and needs treatment.”

“At once, Sire,” the duo replied in unison.

Gaster glanced over at the King. Though he didn't want to leave a familiar presence, the skeleton knew he couldn't ask Asgore to stay. The king had to go out there and help defend whoever was left. He wanted to help defend his people too, but Gaster wouldn't argue against Asgore’s word. _Maybe it's best I don't… try and kill anyone else._ He had to suppress a shudder at the mere thought. Instead he gave Asgore a small nod of thanks for the assistance over -- and for understanding what he needed when Gaster didn’t want to admit it.

The King saw the gesture and gave him an apologetic smile before looking at the healers.

“Thank you, friends,” Asgore rumbled, “Keep up the good work, I know you try hard. We’re all counting on you.” The two of them dipped low in respect to their king, or at least the fish monster did what he could with his arm around Gaster. At their bow, the king turned and headed back to the fray. Unhindered by the scientist, his shape strode proudly and vanished quickly back into the masses in the field, leaving Gaster blearily staring after the horns that towered over most anyone out there. _...Be safe._

Gaster gave a sigh. Having an escort, the skeleton was moved out of the open and onto his own cot under the shade within moments. He was glad for it, seeing as how the waves of painful dizziness died down when he wasn't standing. Gaster hoped that wouldn't be a lasting issue, the world shouldn't spin and tilt and he was sure the default sound to the universe wasn't a constant, steady thrum. Air was typically supposed to be easier to breathe too. _Heavens my head hurts…_

“Dr. Gaster?”

Blinking back into focus, the skeleton lifted his head a little and peered through his fingers. Green eyes met his and the cat monster gave a friendly smile.

“Hey there. I’ll be looking you over today,” the cat woman said. Her voice was soft but tired, and something about it told Gaster that she could have a bite to her if she wanted to. Thankfully for now she was calm and collected, drawing him in with her friendly but professional tone. “I’m healer Halix, and this is Silen.” Grabbing a sanitary cloth, she began to wring it in a solution bucket nearby with practiced precision. “I need you to move your hands, please.”

Reluctantly, Gaster did so as slowly as he could and flinched as air hit his face. It felt so battered and _hurt_ so badly. It wasn't even just a migraine, everything about it was pain. It took every bit of focus Gaster had to try and not zone out and become overwhelmed by the rattling noise of everyone else around. There were so many other patients lying around and doctors running about... _I didn't think I was out there that long. They took a toll on us so fast._

Cool hands touched his own, bringing the skeleton out of his thoughts. Silen was by his side now, and between his knees was settled a bucket of water. The fish medic dipped the marred hands in the bucket, scrubbing gently to get the aforementioned blood off bone while Gaster felt a small rush of heat down his spine from how close the other monster was. The skeleton busied himself watching the water change color while Halix lightly dabbed the cloth to his face to remove the rest of the blood. Asgore had warned him and he himself had felt it, but it still took him off guard to know that he was that badly hurt. He honestly should have suspected as much with how much pain he was in, but even still, seeing it was startling. Gaster could still see the enraged light in the Queen’s eye when she threw the attack...

“How is your right eye?” Halix asked, carefully moving the cloth closer to it.

Gaster winced out of the memory. Clearing his throat, he found his voice again as a tired and scratchy whisper, “I tried... opening it once since the hit, but it was very painful.” He slowly, carefully tried opening it again. Immediately a stab of pain shot across his face, and it was a task to even keep it remotely open. “S-still pretty painful.”

“Hold it open for just a moment,” the healer instructed quietly, observing it closely. “Can you see?”

“Yes,” he confirmed hoarsley. His throat tightened as he tried to focus on things nearby, noticing shapes and items weren't as sharp as they should be. They weren't blurred enough where he couldn't see entirely but his sight had… certainly been affected, and the thought made his chest ache more in quiet panic. _My vision, I… i-it can be fixed. Stay calm_. “There’s... It's very blurry.”

The healer mumbled to herself, nodded, and began to gently dab above the eye. Gaster tried not to flinch at the touch.

“It's a lot duller compared to your left, I'm not surprised. I'll be honest, it's a wonder you're not blind… You can close it now,” Halix said the last part idly, her gaze roaming over the area above his eye. Gaster gratefully did so, sighing as the tension lessened. The relief was small but it was enough to keep the worst of the sharp sting at bay.

Several moments of silence passed as the healer cleaned up his face and Silen released him. The fish monster went away to fetch antiseptics and bandages under Halix’s instruction, leaving the two of them in silence once again. In those moments, Gaster began to see and hear things while his vision unfocused. He saw Joshua looking at him teasingly, saw the look of smugness wiped off his face, the blood from his mouth, the sound of a soul shattering... _You killed a child_.

“You’re lucky this attack didn’t have the intent to kill,” Halix said, effectively drawing him from his thoughts for the umpteenth time and giving a small reassuring smile. “Most humans do. You’ll be fatigued for a while, however. Whatever attacks you did before and taking this one wore you down hard. I can only imagine how intense it is out there.”

 _That and I feel like I haven't slept in two months._ Gaster remained silent, not volunteering that it hadn’t been a human attack. No one could know what he did out there, that the Queen had done this damage to him under the assumption of cold blooded murder. Instead he tried to return the smile as heartfelt as he could. It hurt.

Throwing the gore soaked towel in a bin, the cat monster reached for a handheld mirror and hid the reflective surface from him for a moment. She looked thoughtful, ears twitching as words rolled around for her to voice. Gaster’s pulse quickened in anxiety from the potential verdict.

“Do you just want to see for yourself,” Halix asked carefully, her eyes trained up on him as her hand covered the mirror, “or do want me to describe the damage?”

Well, either way Gaster knew in that moment that it was bad. Granted, he could _feel_ just how bad it was. Everything hurt, he had damaged enough to bleed through almost an entire hand towel, and the world was far more off kiltered and unfocused and chaotic than he ever remembered. Yes, it was bad.

“Go ahead,” the skeleton finally whispered. Halix nodded, clearing her throat as she sat up.

“Your face, though only a little charred, did sustain visible damage,” Halix warned. Her voice was quiet but serious, holding him like a vice. “I'm sure you saw the blood. Your skull has been cracked above the right eye, which would explain the pain you get upon opening it, and on your left you have a crack reaching down from the bottom of the eye to your mouth.” Extending the mirror, her tone softened even further, “here. Don’t worry, they should only scar a little under our healing.”

Gaster took the mirror and, after a second's hesitation held it up to look. His soul skipped once, hard, in shock. Sure enough, cracks extended in the areas she had mentioned. Black crevices, stark against the white with faint pink along the edges from where Halix had avoided scrubbing too hard, scoured across his skull. The one on the left, connecting to his eye and mouth, wasn’t very deep or wide but oh it still hurt when he moved his mouth or made any expression on that side. The right one, however, had a bit more depth. It cut just barely into the lid of his right eye, making it all the more painful. Given time he would be able to open it again, but with the severity he wagered it would at least be a day. Something about what Halix said, however, bothered him. Breathing in, the skeleton handed the mirror back to her.

“Thank you for your care, Miss Halix,” he said kindly, “but… I have to ask. Have you… ever had a skeleton patient before?”

“I, well, no sir,” the cat responded, looking surprised. “Why? Did I insinuate something incorrectly?”

Nodding, Gaster reached up to brush a knuckle gently by his left crack. The area was still tender, but he could stay far enough away that he wouldn't hurt it. But _dammit_ did it hurt to talk. Part of him wondered if it would be rude to ask if she knew Hands, the other part decided to just continue for now. Most monsters didn't anyway.

“Skeletons don’t heal like most monsters,” he informed quietly. “No matter what magic you put into me, you won’t be able to heal these. If my arm were broken you could heal the break with the scar there as long as the bone was aligned, but these… these you can’t.”

Halix was caught off guard. Blinking quickly, the monster flattened her ears as she tried to piece together an amendment. Gaster only barely stopped himself from smiling in sympathy to avoid more pain. She hadn't meant to offend, he knew, she just wanted to help.

“Sir, are you certain? I’m sure I could try something. It may take some time to heal, but… surely it can be done? I'm sure those won't be pleasant later down the road.” She sighed when Gaster shook his head, tail twitching behind her in thought. “Well. It’s your choice, Doctor, but know that we can at least _try_ to heal them for you.” By this point, her helper Silen had returned with bandages and medicine.

Gaster held up a hand, giving the smallest smile. “I’m sure. Save your magic for others who need it more.” Furrowing her brow, Halix opened her mouth to speak only to close it again. Sighing, the medic leaned back and glanced at the growing number of dust filled jars with a heavy frown. A moment passed as she just sat there, likely dwelling on an injury she couldn’t heal or others like it.

Turning her gaze back to Gaster, she fixed the skeleton with a searching stare before finally murmuring, “as you wish, Dr. Gaster. You know your species better than me. Medically you aren’t in critical condition, but you’re on the cusp of it and very drained. I don't even need to see your soul to know that. If you say cracks don’t heal, I imagine you’re going to be wounded and in pain for quite awhile. We’re going to at least give you medication to lessen the pain and help you sleep. I have a solution we can apply to the cracks too to try and stop any future bleeding. We might not be able to heal them, but we can at least try and seal them.”

Setting his jaw, Gaster reluctantly nodded. He didn’t want to sleep while the rest of his race fought and died out on the field against the humans. That was… a fate he hadn’t imagined at all. He would admit though, the resets had left him so _tired_ . Sleep honestly sounded like a godsend. He just hoped he wouldn’t wake up back in the Capitol only to find that he had to do this all over again. The mere thought sent a thrill of anxiety up his spine. _I can't do that again_.

With his approval, Silen carefully began to apply a minty smelling substance to his face. It stung at first but quickly began to cool and numb the irritated areas around his skull. Halix gave the skeleton pain tablets infused with green magic, all but willing them to do their bidding to ease the ache. Even afterwards, the medic’s paws hovered over his face and chest alike as green energy flowed from her palms. It steadily helped ease the worst of the pain, and as it did Gaster visibly sunk in his seat with small sighs now and again.

During all this, Gaster continuously looked out into the battlefield at random explosions of magic. So much carnage… A part of him, the unscientific side, almost thought it be better that they had all been trapped in a loop. At least that way they wouldn’t stay dead and not so many would die… but that really wasn’t better, was it? To be repeatedly killed forever over dying only once. It sounded more tortuous when put that way.

 _“I don't want you to stay dead. I want you to suffer. I don't know if monsters go to hell when they die, so I will make sure you stay stuck in one!”_ Gaster shuddered at the words, the implication he heard in the voice. That boy would have kept them there forever. As much as killing Joshua haunted him, it had been the only thing he could have done. The fact that time hadn’t reset afterwards meant that he truly had erased him… right? Still, just. What had driven the boy to act so aggressively and without remorse? What sick, twisted determination had he possessed? He did say something about monsters taking everything from him… what could have possibly _happened_ to him?

“We’re going to apply the bandages now,” Halix said, breaking his thoughts. “We’ll leave your left eye exposed since you can have it open less painfully, but we’ll be covering the right so the bandages can get a better hold.”

“Do what you must,” Gaster said solemnly.

Thanks to the solution and Halix’s touch of healing, the scientist barely felt them applying the bandages around his skull. For that he was at least grateful, it made the process so much more bearable. After they were done, Silen headed off to attend to other patients that were being ushered in from another tent opening.

“Doesn't talk much,” Gaster mused quietly, watching the fish monster slip away. Halix replied with a curious hum, looking over her shoulder to follow his stare. After it clicked she gave a smirk.

“Hm, oh Silen?” With a soft laugh, she went back to arranging items on the table nearest to Gaster. “Yes, he's very quiet. Selectively mute, or so I understand. I went to med school with him, but we never talked much. Some people think he's named Silent because of it, but with the T being, well, silent. He's really good at what he does though. I'm glad he made it to the tents with me. It's nice to see familiar faces.”

Sighing deeply, the cat ran a paw through her hair and looked around. A tired frown had settled on her face, eyes searching beyond what Gaster could see. After a moment, Halix sat on the edge of the cot the skeleton was on and gently placed her hand on top of his in a reassuring manner.

“The medication should be kicking in soon to help you sleep,” she assured. “There’s a lot of healers running around if you need anything, alright? For now we’ve done what we can for you.”

“Thank you,” Gaster whispered, letting the kindness return from his dreary thoughts. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, Miss Halix.”

“It’s a pleasure to serve, sir. Rest easy.” With that, the cat monster stood and took a few steps away, disappearing among the growing crowd of those seeking medical attention. She was gone within seconds, leaving Gaster alone.

Leaning back slowly, the scientist carefully rested his head so he could continue watching the battle further away. Things were getting more heated as the sun set, painting the sky with reds and oranges beyond the trees. He only wished more that he could be of some assistance. _No point in wishing now… my head is already getting foggy. Well, foggier._ And it was. His focus had been getting steadily more and more lost, exhaustion calling to him from the depths of his conscience. Closing his eye, Gaster turned his gaze away and instead listened to the bustling around him. His mind was starting to lose itself to sleep from the medication, and as he began to drift off, he was once more haunted by visions and voices.

_You beasts are stuck here for eternity with me as your gatekeeper! You’ll never leave!_

Gaster shuddered, raising a hand to lay over his still aching chest.

_Everyone else may be free of you, but perhaps… you will end up being my gatekeeper after all._


	3. Rays of Consequence

Scuffling broke slowly, steadily into the stretching sound of silence. It was the vaguest noise at first, muted and distant, growing louder and clearer as seconds ticked on. Moments passed only for the singular sound to split apart, multiply, becoming many different sounds of varying pitch and intensity. He couldn't quite understand what they were at first, but as he spent a few moments listening, it became clear that it was the noise of many people gathered together and moving about. _What…_

This wasn't his bedroom.

Sucking in a breath to try and wake up further, Gaster yawned only to slap his hand over his mouth at a spike of pain. And _immediately_ regret it. A sharp whine broke his throat, wincing hard from the touches and the feeling of his skull stretching. _Ow… r-right, injured, haaaah ok._

Right, the war. He was hurt. So it really hadn't reset then. The repeating was… finally over. _It was over_.

Gaster pulled his hand away from his face with a quiet hiss, shifting to sit up on his elbows and slowly pry his left eye open. He remembered well enough that the right one was far more painful, and the left was simply the less of the two evils. His vision was blurred heavily at first, catching moving shapes darting about in the dark with sparse lighting around. Odd. Did he wake up before dawn...? Sleeping medication tended to work stronger on him than that.

Huffing, the skeleton moved to sit up properly despite the stiffness tugging at his bones and he shook his head slowly. When Gaster looked up again, things started to come into focus a little more. The things he saw… weren't right. His soul steadily grew cold in dread, his opened eye widening in surprise as he looked around.

This wasn’t the forest outskirts. In fact, this... wasn’t outside at all. Could this even be considered inside? Gaster looked around more intently, a stunned fog nearly smothering him in its wake. There were many, _many_ more patients than there had been before. The entire area was _filled_ with monsters. Some people rushed about, others were asking fervent questions that he couldn't quite catch, even more huddled together under makeshift tents while some looked lost. An air of confusion and tension hung over everyone, leaving Gaster simply staring where he sat. This wasn't just medical tents, this… this was a different type of gathering altogether. This was closer to a refugee mass, and that thought frightened him. Where _were_ they?

As his eye attempted to adjust in the selective lighting, he caught what looked like a wall behind a gathering nearby. It was made of a smoothed, darker stone -- _weathered? --_ and Gaster did what he could to follow how high it went. His soul skipped when it exceeded any building he had ever been in, sloping like no structure should and vanishing into rugged blackness somewhere above them. He looked down and around more, trying to trace exactly where the stone wall ended and saw it stretch on beyond the group in a steady circular motion. It went on for a grand distance, and it was only a flicker of light that drew Gaster’s attention away.

In what seemed like the distance of a stadium, there was a tunnel illuminated by light. Dying light, streaks of muted red and yellow filtering in through and stretching to meet the stale dark ground within. _Sunset? Or dawn?_ As he stared at the opening so far away, a shimmer rippled across the colors. Gaster’s eye widened further in surprise. There was no cloudy glass between them and the outside, there wasn't even open air. That ripple was _magic._ Incredibly strong magic if the shimmer passed the entire entry way like that. The scientist had never seen magic so concentrated outside of souls. Why was there a _magic wall_ and why was everyone either running around in confusion or sticking close by each other? _What on earth happened when he was asleep?_

The war, all the fighting. They… They hadn't won, had they? They couldn't have. Not with everyone looking like this, there was no way. Then had they retreated? Made the wall for protection? That made… a little sense he supposed, but he couldn't line everything up properly just from sight alone. Not only that, the effort it would have taken to make that wall would be _massive_ for even boss monsters to do. He honestly didn't even know if it was _possible_. Gaster had to know more. Maybe he could find Asgore, the king would have to know.

Looking around for the horns of his oldest friend from his spot proved less easy than he hoped. He direly wished it was due to tents and boxes being thrown in the way, and not the fact that Asgore might… not have made it. _No, no, don't think like that. Come on Wingding, focus_. A few more minutes of craning his neck to see proved fruitless. If only his vision wasn't skewed or fuzzy, it made everything so much worse. Whatever clarity he had known before the war was completely gone. He couldn't even spot any medic he recognized.

There had to be someone nearby that knew something. With a grunt, Gaster carefully forced himself into a shaky stand. He wavered a moment, cringing at the fact standing was a _lot_ more effort than it ever should have been and that the very motion actually made his chest hurt like a fresh stab wound. That definitely shouldn't be happening. _I… I'll have to check that later_. His main priority was finding someone, anyone to fill him in. Gaster could worry about himself once he knew what on earth was happening.

With steps that were clumsier than he liked, the skeleton shuffled away from his makeshift sleeping area and through a path cleared of monsters. There were so many little gatherings and stray individuals that Gaster didn't even know where to begin. _Just grab someo--_ From the corner of his eye shifted a glowing color. He flinched, taking a step back and raising an arm to block-- ...an attack that never happened.

Gaster blinked. Peering over his arm, he stared uneasily at the source of his startle.

It was... a fire monster. Not an attack, but a living, breathing elemental. They weren't even the angry yellow of Toriel’s attack, but a deep orange with red flickering between. And yet the motion of their headflames and the accompanying glow had set off that rush of fear and adrenaline. A surge of embarrassed heat blanketed over his spine, and the scientist swallowed dryly as he straightened out his posture slowly. _Well. At least their back is turned and they didn't see that_.

Sighing, Gaster forced his weary feet into motion again and walked toward the monster, willing his vision to focus. They might not have caught his eye in the most friendly way, but it wasn't their fault. This was a living being, not an attack of outrage. He just had to remember that. Might as well face your fears, right? Thankfully, that initial unease lowered the more he told himself this was a person. And who knew. Maybe Gaster would be lucky and they would know something.

His initial response was to reach out in an attempt to lay a hand on one of their shoulders. Gaster’s hand moved but he stopped himself before he could reach, instead bringing his fingers up to brush against the cloth bandages around his skull. Maybe he was… a little more intimidated -- not even that, but _scared_ \-- than he wanted to admit he was. Regardless, he forced himself the last few steps closer. _Not too close…_

“Ex,” he breathed hoarsley, clearing his throat afterward. _Wow, my throat is rough._ Raising his voice a little louder but still polite, he said, “Excuse me?”

The monster turned with a surprised blink when their bright eyes settled on Gaster. The glow of their gaze was different than their base flame, a lighter color that almost reminded him of candles. But the most important thing was they had a face, expression, features, _they're not an attack._

“O-oh, yes sir? How.” The fire monster's voice was quiet, soft but thickly accented, and he cleared his throat too. His flames flickered slightly different than before, drawing the skeleton’s eye to the shifting light. Was that a hint of nerves? Or maybe he was projecting. Gaster hadn't actually interacted with too many elementals to know the subtle changes well enough and what they meant. In fact, he didn’t think he’d honestly met a fire monster before. “How can I help you?”

“I was um, pardon,” Gaster started, uncertain, but his nerves had at least started to calm. As far as being okay with the fact he was in the vicinity to a living flame, anyhow. “I was wondering if you knew what happened.” He glanced up over the fire’s shoulder, toward the strange magic wall as another ripple traveled down its surface, and then back to the shifting flame. “Until a few minutes ago I've been unconscious for… I'm not really sure how long.”  
  
Something about the dancing flames settled, and the fire monster lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. He looked down, letting out with a soft laugh that was reminiscent of a campfire crackle.

“Heh, I just barely found out myself,” he admitted. There was a pause in his stance, his hand still on his neck in what Gaster could wager as a nervous habit, before he sighed and his head turned to settle his sight on the unnatural wall. “We got driven underground by the humans that were attacking. That magical wall there is keeping us here, no one can go through it.” His eyes turned back to the widened eye of the scientist with a small frown. “In or out.”

 

  
  
“Underground? _What_ ?” Both of Gaster’s brows shot up in alarm. He cringed and let out a hiss at the action, the motion sending a stab of pain through his injured eye ridge in the process. _Ow ow, pain medication, definitely worn off… I wish I could sign, talking still hurts too… aghh heavens!_ Sighing shakily, the skeleton moved a tender hand to lay over the bandages, wanting to apply pressure but knowing that was a _very_ bad idea.

“I… I thought the walls looked weathered but…” With a worried glance, his eye darted over their surroundings again, trying grasp the fact they were _underground_ . From how high the ceiling went and the way the light filtered in, the scientist would guess they were under the edge of a mountain. They had been close to Ebott, if he recalled correctly… was being trapped beneath it now their sentence? Gaster looked back at the frowning fire, asking slowly, “How… how long has it been? Do you know by chance?”  
  
The elemental shook his head, to which Gaster frowned in quiet disappointment. Well, at least he knew where they were now. Mostly.

“I'm sorry,” the fire monster apologized, “I've only been awake a few hours myself, and my family didn't tell me. I'm sure we could find them, though…?”

At the mention of family, a chilling thought struck that hadn't risen before and began to sink into Gaster’s chest. Family. _His family_ . His parents lived in likely one of the most targeted regions and his brother… Gaster had no idea where he was at the time of the attack. _I… I haven't heard a word about them, I…_ The hand that had been on the bandages moved to his chest, to ease the ache that the sudden nervous, frantic beats caused. To try and grasp that he might _very well be alone_.

_Calm down, calm down, we don't know yet, we don't…_

“I have a friend who might be able to help with the pain,” the fire monster offered quietly, pulling Gaster out of his thoughts. His gaze was intense but somehow soft, and the skeleton simply wagered that it was the fact the stare was made of flame that made it seem intense to him. Overall the stranger showed nothing but a gentleness Gaster couldn’t explain. Toriel’s attack aside, he should have no reason to fear the flame. Swallowing hard, the scientist gave the smallest smile he could muster that wouldn't agitate his crack too much.

“That's… alright. I have a medic around.” _...Do I?_ Gaster hadn't seen her in his initial search. The scientist’s gaze fell to the floor in deepening uncertainty. This… wasn't right. This wasn't what he wanted to happen. A feeling of hollow, cold isolation was starting to creep down his spine and toward his chest even as he tried to keep it at bay. No Asgore, no medic, no family. No word. Hated in the Queen’s eye no doubt if _she_ was even still alive too. Couple that with being a murderer and… He couldn't think of that now. Not now. He was having a conversation, _focus_ . “A-at least I… think I do, I don't… know if she made it down.”  
  
“I can help you search if you like?” The gentle offer made Gaster look up quietly. “I was ordered to go back to the infirmary area after I ate anyways.”  
  
For a moment, all the scientist could do was quietly stand there in surprise. He was taken aback by this stranger's kindness, even if it was just actions along the way, yet it helped soothe that foreboding feeling of being alone that wanted so badly to settle over him. At least for a moment. His smile returned, truer despite the grunt he bit back from the tug along his cheek. Even if he was beginning to feel like he suddenly didn't belong anymore, like he had done something _horribly wrong_ , Gaster would accept the help.

“That's, that's kind of you. Well.” With a soft huff, the skeleton glanced over his shoulder. Making sure of where he was, he looked back at the fire and felt a little more at ease to see his smile mimicked back to him. Indicating with a tilt of his head, Gaster continued, “I guess that's likely where I came from then. I don't want want to take you away from anything.”

 _What could you be pulling him away from. We're. We're trapped._  
  
Nodding once, the elemental said, “You aren’t taking me away from anything…” His speech paused, and then something peculiar caught Gaster's eye. Parts of the elemental’s flames lightened, tracing blue into the fire that danced along his head. Gaster immediately was drawn to staring, his eye widening in surprised curiosity with the smallest tilt of his head. _Changing… color? Can fires do that?_

“I’m so sorry, I just realized I don’t know your name, sir.”

Gaster blinked, snapping himself out of it with a jolt. His eye turned back to the fire monster’s again with a huff of a laugh.

“Oh, heh, that’s alright. I’m Gaster.” Raising his hands, they began to twitch and weave in front of him, spelling out the letters for his name as he said it. Signing was a quirk that came with his birth language, and one that always triggered when he gave his name whether he realized it or not. “Dr. Gaster. And you…?”

The skeleton was met with a wider smile as the elemental extended his hand out toward him and said, “Grillby Chaleureux. A pleasure, doctor.”

For a moment that likely passed Grillby by, the scientist paused and hesitated once he looked down at the hand. His soul skipped nervously at the thought of touching fire, and Gaster had to force himself not to linger too long to make it awkward. _But fire, heat, pain I… Confound it, don’t just stare at his hand! That’s rude! Move!_ Masking the pause with the edge of a nervous smile, Gaster took a breath and forced himself to reach out and take his hand gently.

“The pleasure is mine, Grillby.”  
  
Their hands clasped together, and what Gaster had been nervously expecting… didn’t come to pass. No, Grillby’s hand was indeed warm but not hot, not overbearing or painful at all. It was nothing like the flames that had scorched across his face and burned into his soul. It was... _comforting._ In their shared touch, a swift rush of intense warmth passed through Gaster’s arm and spread into his chest, taking his breath away for half a second. It dissolved the growing hollowness that had been there before like sunlight hitting mist, leaving in its wake nothing but a gentle sense of calm. Grillby grinned at him, brightly, and there was a skip behind his ribs that wasn’t nervously painful like the others had been before. A thrill of heat shot up his spine and almost made it to his face in a wash of color, leaving him successfully taken aback. At this, Gaster grinned crookedly back, doing his best to push the expression onto the right side of his face. They shook hands, and the touch ended with the residue of that warmth staying in his hand and settling somewhere quietly among the pain.

Grillby… He was fire, true, but there was something about him. Something that was curious. He wouldn’t hurt Gaster. The skeleton wasn’t sure how he knew, but he just _knew._ Grillby was safe.

“Shall we go find your medic?”  
  
“Yes, ah.” Gaster turned a little, looking back toward the area from which he came. Why did it look like it was further away than before? Oh well, skewed depth perception perhaps. He glanced back at Grillby with a small wave and a smile to match, adding, “back this way.”

The pair of them settled in step and headed toward the medical bay with Gaster in the lead. He honestly much rather stand in one place, the world spun a little less when he did, but it was something he’d have to manage until it either became too much or he was safely able to sit somewhere. Grillby stayed close but not uncomfortably close, giving the skeleton room to try and keep his steps steady with his foggy vision. Walking was still more difficult than it needed to be, but thankfully there weren’t many in their path to serve as obstacles.

“If we can’t find your medic, I’m sure my friend would still be willing to help you,” Grillby said behind him, “she’s been here in the infirmary doing what she can. I found out that she nearly wore herself out and had to be forced to rest.” A gentle crackle of a laugh sounded from him, and Gaster couldn’t help but laugh under his breath at the sound of it. It was... nice to talk to someone outside of his usual circle. “She’s stubborn like that.”

There was a moment when Gaster’s hands raised to start signing, only for him to realize what he was doing and put them down. He’d signed once and now the habit wanted to kick in for just Common speech. It wasn’t necessary. Grillby showed no sign of understanding, so what was the point? _Maybe it won’t… ever be necessary again. Stop, don’t think like that. Come on. We don’t know that._ So instead he fidgeted quietly.

“If she was forced to rest, then I definitely don’t want to put a further drain on her. I heh.” Gaster huffed, resisting the urge to reach up and rub his neck. He really was an odd species compared to those who could actually be healed properly, wasn’t he? “I’m not sure what she could do for me, no offense.”

“Heh I’m sure she could at least ease some aches,” Grillby tried to gently offer.

At this, the skeleton looked up ahead of them instead of at the path. Gaster appreciated what the elemental was trying to do, but in the long run this friend of Grillby’s wouldn’t work. It was just like trying to explain his situation to Halix. “It’s a comforting sentiment at--”

“Oh monarchs be praised, look at this!” Gaster paused in surprise at the voice up ahead, looking over in relief to see a brown shape weaving toward them from around a medical tent. She was grinning, everything about her looking relieved as she came to a stop beside the boys. Her eyes darted between them, excitement shoving the otherwise obvious exhaustion aside. “You’re awake and _both_ of my patients are standing! Oh this is wonderful.”

“Oh, Dr. Halix, I didn’t realize we were both your patients,” Grillby chimed in with a grin while the skeleton laughed quietly. “I'm glad we found you.”

“Hello again Miss Halix,” Gaster greeted, “I was worried.” The medic shot him a bewildered look.

“ _You_ were worried?” Halix clicked her tongue at both of them in a weak attempt to chastise, but the effect was lost when she developed a warm smile. “Yes, two of my many. I’m glad to see you’re both ok.” Green eyes turned to observe the scientist, squinting gently in his direction as if she were seeing something he wasn’t. If he wasn’t fighting the world tilting around him, Gaster might have been self conscious or worried. After a second, Halix simply waved at him. “You need to sit. And you.” The cat turned her sights to the elemental, her feature softening. “Are you doing ok? How’s your side?”

Not able to exactly do as the doctor ordered, Gaster instead took to leaning against the nearest stacking of boxes that was around his height. He watched the pair interact curiously, intrigued by the concept that the two newest people he’d met knew each other. _That’s… likely going to be a lot more common. We aren’t vast countries around the world anymore._

“I’m doing fine,” Grillby said with a grateful smile and nod, his hand settling over his aforementioned injured side. Somehow… Gaster had never noticed. _He was mostly behind me, it makes sense I wouldn’t see._ “Just a little tired. My family is working on some food, so that will help.”  
  
Nodding, Halix gave a twitch of her ears and a smile in return to the answer. “Well good. I thought I saw your sister not too long ago nearby as well."

As they talked, Gaster let his gaze turn away from the two of them. Their words began to fade into the background noise around him, the shuffling of others moving around and talking becoming an audible blur. His friendly, ghost of a smile faded into steady, desolate emptiness, the hollowness from before returning in a slow advance against whatever defending warmth had been holding it steady. For the first time, Gaster really _looked_ at everyone nearby. And he realized that this _was_ everyone. He had… been right in his assumption. This _was_ a refugee mass. This was possibly all that was left of monsterkind even. There was no telling what the humans did to those that didn’t make it down. If… any of them had the unusual cruelness that Joshua had, he suspected whatever monster life above them wouldn’t last long.

Monsters on the surface would be hopelessly lost.

“...to see you moving again.”

Gaster blinked, startling quietly out of his thoughts and looking back toward the pair at the sound of another voice. Only now, they weren’t a pair. A third monster had entered the picture, clinging to Grillby in a hug. It was another, smaller fire monster with red flames, richer crimson than what Grillby had. And even then he appeared… lighter now.

“Well lookie there,” Halix laughed happily with her arms crossed, “Speak and she appears.”

 _This must be someone from his family._ The thought and the interaction made him smile a little, but even then he wasn’t able to squash the feeling of being alone. He told himself not to think about it, that it wasn’t worth it right now, it was selfish, but it was hard. It was _really_ hard. Grillby had his family at least, and Halix was alive. Both were good things, great even. But… even then… Gaster bit back a sigh, closing his eye. _You should be happy for them. You’re being incredibly selfish right now, and you should be more hopeful for our side of things. But… should I? Should I really get my hopes up for something that…_

“Alright well.” Halix’s words cut through his thoughts. “You two take care of each other alright? I need to make sure this one gets back to his cot.” At her final statement, Gaster opened his eye again with the softest edge of a smirk. The idea of being on his cot was much nicer than staying leaned against the boxes as he was. It was a fight between wanting to know more about where they were and wanting to just go back to sleep.

And fearing that if he _did_ fall back asleep, he would awake into the nightmare repeating all over again.

“Okay I guuuuuesss…” The other fire’s voice was muffled and she giggled, pulling her face back from Grillby’s chest. She took the taller monster’s hand with a gentle tug, and Gaster noticed a small resemblance. _Oh, the sister perhaps?_ “C’mon Grillby, Peré needs your help anyways.” Grillby simply chuckled at her antics regardless, his eyes turning to the cat and skeleton alike.

“It was nice to meet you, Dr. Gaster,” the elemental said kindly, “I hope you heal well. Thank you for all you’ve done for me as well.” His last words were directed at the nurse, and Grillby bowed his head in respect before lifting up again and offering a brilliant grin. The scientist found himself staring at the expression, Grillby’s face seeming to have lightened up even more with it. Everything about his thought process slowed and softened in that moment. _Maybe he isn’t naturally a reddish orange then… but a richer sunset._

Combing a hand through her hair, Halix waved her hand dismissively with a smile, humming, “Seeing you up is all the thanks I need.”

“Stop flirting, let’s go,” the smaller fire insisted with a tug on Grillby’s sleeve, breaking the mood of the pleasantries. Gaster honestly had to stop himself from snorting a laugh. And… there it was again, Grillby's flames changing color. Blue streaked through his headflames momentarily as he turned a soft glare at the smaller elemental, and Gaster couldn’t help a small smirk of his own. These two, they were adorable together. He laughed softly under his breath, amused by the way the two of them interacted. _Is his color change tied to emotion then? That’s fascinating._

“Yes yes. Goodbye for now,” Grillby assured, “you’re welcome to join us for dinner.”

At the offer, Gaster gave a small nod and a wave. Maybe he would… consider it. Just maybe. “It was a pleasure, Grillby. Thank you.”

Grillby’s gentle smile was specifically directed at him, and as the skeleton watched him, it turned into a grin that helped warm some of the desolation away. “Pleasure was all mine, Dr. Gaster.” The elemental bowed his head once more, then turned with the smaller fire in tow. Within moments, they were weaving through a nearby crowd and out of sight. Mostly. Gaster could still see the soft glow of those orange flames even as they drew further away. In some way, the scientist hoped he'd get the chance to see Grillby again.

“Sweet family,” Halix sighed, crossing her arms. Her own emerald eyes were watching the area where they disappeared, looking thoughtful but with a smile nonetheless. “They’re really close. It warms my heart to know some families like them were able to make it down.”

Her eyes turned upward and the two looked at each other for a moment. They both knew the weight of that statement, and Gaster desperately wished he didn't feel it himself. The nurse jerked her head one way and turned, patting his arm when she passed and walked on. Gaster leaned off the boxes and carefully followed as steadily as he could, relieved when the medic made a motion with her paw toward a an area covered with a tented tarp only a few strides later. He sunk down onto his back gratefully, slowly, letting out a deep sigh once he was off his feet. The world was maddeningly dizzying, and at the time he couldn’t remember it feeling any other way. Halix was kneeling by the cot in an instant, her arm resting on the mesh while her eyes traveled over him.

“You looked pretty rough out there,” Halix murmured softly. Her demeanor was the same as she had treated Grillby earlier: studying eyes, a soft frown, and an overall sense of being softly somber. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m intoxicated without having drank anything,” Gaster mumbled back, closing his eye and bringing a hand to his face. He gently lay fingertips against the bandages to his right temple, letting out another sigh. “And like a migraine is coming on. So, drunk and fighting a hangover at the same time.”

Beside him, there was a gentle snort. “So your equilibrium is thrown off I take it?”

“Sort… yes,” the skeleton sighed again. “My clarity of sight is… really bugging me. And moving is a lot harder than it should be.”

“Told you you’d be sore. We should be able to find a way to fashion you some corrective lenses once we get settled,” Halix whispered sympathetically. “I think glasses would look good on you.” She rested a paw on his arm, bringing Gaster to open his eye and tilt his head toward her. The nurse was staring off distantly, her eyes once more on things he couldn’t see. Without looking back, she asked, “How _else_ are you doing?”

Gaster paused with a frown, trying not to flinch at the sting it caused.

“I... I don’t know.” His gaze traveled over the throng slowly, as if trying to tally all the monsters before him. There were far too few of them, but also far too many. And they were all... trapped. The thought made him feel sick. Did they even have resources down here? Underground? All anyone had was the clothes on their backs, bags they'd managed to grab in their flight for those fortunate enough, and whatever supplies were contained in the boxes and satchels strewn about. It looked like a lot from just a glance, but in the long run it was barely anything at all. Could they even _live?_ Or was this an absolute death sentence meant to drag on until the last one perished from lack of sustenance or madness?

_...This is meant to be our tomb._

As the silence between them stretched, Gaster watched and tried his best not to get lost in that dangerous thought. He tried to focus on what he witnessed instead: happy reunions, tearful mourners handed the last of their loved ones, doctors running around to check on patients, groups moving boxes and pitching up tented resting areas similar to his own. There was a sea of background noise that escalated and fell constantly due to activity. It wasn’t quite like anything he had experienced before. It was… almost too much. At least every sound wasn't another throb of pain anymore. Mostly.

“I know. It’s a lot to take in.” It was Halix who brought him out of it, her voice quiet. Green, tired eyes turned back to him. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long,” the scientist mumbled, eyes distantly following shapes around them. “Half an hour? Less?”

Halix simply nodded. “Hard to keep track down here... Oh. Has someone told you what’s happened?”

“Yes. We lost, and this is all that’s left of us,” Gaster said almost flatly. _Ouch, be nice. Or attempt to be optimistic._

“If we’re being completely blunt, yes. This is… all that’s left of our people.” Halix ran a hand through the fur on her cheeks and sighed deeply, her shoulders sinking with the motion. It was in that moment that Gaster wondered if she had slept since he last saw her. It didn't look like it. “But it could be a lot worse. There could be less of us, or they could have not let us come down here at all. If anything, I’m thankful that at least my husband survived. And our King and Queen.”

A small spark of hope relit inside the consuming hollowness, like a match lit inside an abysmal cave. It had taken over alarmingly quickly once they headed for his cot, but for a moment it stopped it’s ravenous takeover. _Asgore’s alive? He’s alive, my brother’s alive. Oh thank heavens..._

“That’s... great to hear,” Gaster sighed, relief heavy in his voice. At least he had _someone._

Clearing her throat to compose herself, the healer patted Gaster’s arm and stood up. Halix turned to face him, raising an inquisitive brow. “Well, enough of that doom and gloom talk. Can I get you anything, Doctor? Food, drink, more medicine?” The skeleton blinked up at her.

“...Grillby mentioned dinner…” He began slowly, eyes back on the crowd. Gaster was almost afraid of the answer to his next question. “Did we... actually save any food rations?”

“Some, thankfully there were a few that made it in last minute who had boxes with them before the barrier went up,” Halix said with a nod. A huff sounded from the medic as she recalled details, ears swiveling every which way. Her hands planted on her hips, tail flicking thoughtfully behind her while her eyes darted over the aforementioned boxes. “It… won't last us long, but the king sent out scavenger parties of those who were in the best shape to try and find something usable. That was several hours ago now, I’m sure they’ve found something… _somewhere_.”

Shooting the medic a glance, Gaster carefully pushed himself up into a slow sit. The strain was hard on his chest, his breathing shallow as he tried to keep the sharp ache at bay. _God that hurts, why does that hurt…_ When he finally settled, the skeleton sighed, taking a moment to regather himself and drape his arms over his knees. He breathed in deeply, slowly. Focus. “If it’s at all possible for a cup of hot tea, I would _forever_ be in your debt. If not, just… something to drink, please. Anything.”

“On it, sir.” Halix smirked softly down at him and dusted off her hands, her ears twitching to attention. “The only debt you owe would be to my husband, if you so insist. He actually admires some of the papers you’ve put out and was jealous to know I got to treat you. He’s wanted to meet you for some time.”

A pause took over Gaster, a small rush of heat dashing over his cheekbones and up his spine. Someone actually wanted to meet _him_? That was new. Sure he worked at the palace and those who lived in the Capitol-- past… Capitol... knew of his closeness to the king, but he didn’t think he’d have anything close to a following. He was still so young to be admired. Regardless, the skeleton gave a small grin and chuckled quietly.

“Very well,” Gaster hummed. “A debt to Mr. Halix it is.”

Snorting, the healer nodded and walked away with a smile. She was gone within seconds, leaving the area oddly quiet despite the sounds still filtering around him and Gaster alone. His stare became empty, settling on some far off point beyond his little encampment corner. The strips of cloth on his face were starting to be more annoying than helpful, rubbing and pressing against the still open wounds at any given second. With each passing breath he felt the sting, he was reminded of those red eyes staring back at him with fiery disbelief and anger. Those eyes shifted to a different crimson, playing on the face of a grinning, devilish child. Sights danced sourceless before his eyes, fire and bones and that child all within it. Senseless chaos that taunted him, _you killed someone. You killed a child like it was nothing. Couldn’t you be more patient? You could have saved him and yourself!_

Gaster flinched, closing his eye tight and breathing a shuddering whimper as he did from the shot of pain. He bowed his head, hand moving up to touch the bandages but stopping short just a breath away. It would do nothing to ease him. If anything, touching would make it _worse_. Whether it be from pain or memories, he would continue to be haunted. Tormented. The hollowness was cold, pricking at his bones and spreading beyond his chest like crystallizing ice. He would have to live with the consequences, the scars of senseless war. The possibility that they would all die down here soon with no escape, that everyone else on the surface was nothing but dust or somehow even befalling a worse fate...

_Look what your lack of patience did. Your challenged integrity got you nothing but misery. What… is the point of hope. You’ve ruined yourself, ruined someone else’s chance at life, hell maybe you've damned your entire race. I’ll never be able to sleep without seeing either face. I’m going to die down here with everyone else, knowing… knowing I could have… prevented this if I just..._

There was a touch to his shoulder, and it took every bit of control for Gaster to not jump and shove himself backward from whatever it was in panic. He contained it to a full body cringe, biting his lower lip from a stab across his face and letting it go as he looked up. Halix was back in front of him, in her hands a china full of steaming liquid and eyes draped in a furrowed brow of worry.

“You alright?” Her tone was cautious, ears tilting back with the words. She hadn’t missed his reaction for sure, her green eyes watching him closely.

Nodding slowly, Gaster huffed and cleared his throat. He sat up a little, raising his unaffected brow in mild surprise when he saw the darkness of the drink. It wasn’t hot water, he could smell it, she had actually found tea. _Heh… well. The little things, I guess._

“You actually found some?” It was an incredulous laugh, to which the nurse's cautious disposition dissolved and she grinned back.

“I did,” Halix said with a mix of fondness and confidence, extending the cup out to him. “Did you doubt me?”

Gaster managed a little smirk in turn. “Of course not.”

Taking the cup into his hands, a spark of the warmth from earlier returned. It flushed against his palms, and the skeleton dipped his face in the path of the steam with his eye closing. Tension that spidered over his shoulders began to loosen from the combination of scent and warmth, a sigh leaving him as he relaxed. _Funny how heat is both... comforting and terrifying to me now._

“I wasn’t exactly sure how you drink it,” Halix confessed, leaning more to one side than the other as she looked over the crowd around them. “So I grabbed a pinch of sugar and threw it in just in case. You look like the kind of guy to have at least a little.”

Snorting, Gaster had to fight a wider grin that wanted to take over. “You’d be correct, actually.”

“Mhm, see!” The nurse beamed down at him, and Gaster had to wonder how she kept so much positive energy around her. He had to bite back an immediate bitter thought in response. “Don’t doubt your medical professionals. I know what I’m talking about.”

Laughing quietly, Gaster nodded and waved one hand in her direction in a playful, dismissive motion. She was still grinning in amusement at him and even that little bit helped alleviate some of the negative fog. The steam was working wonders too, shooing away the numbing cold from within. When he took his first sip, he had to be wary of the crack but was otherwise unhindered. It was a little more bitter than he usually took it, but in that moment the taste alone was an absolute godsend. It was familiar, warm, something to combat the wrong staleness around him.

“Thank you,” Gaster breathed into the mug, eye closing again in a moment of contentment. The little things, he reminded himself, the little things.

“Don’t mention it, Doctor.” Opening his eye slowly, Gaster looked back up. Halix was straightening out her clothes, and she gave a sigh as her eyes swept the area around them. She… likely had a lot more people to attend to, and yet there she was staying by Gaster and helping him. He was a patient after all, it was to be expected. It was silly to expect her to check on him then leave without a word. And he definitely wasn't sick of her company, especially at a time like this. True loneliness was the last thing he ever wanted to feel.

“Want me to have a look at those bandages too?”

With a thoughtful tap of his finger against the ceramic, Gaster huffed quietly to himself and shook his head. _What’s worse, leaving these on or taking them off? Leaving them is rubbing madness, taking them off would be exposing them…_

“Well I’m sure the medication has worn off,” Halix said, crossing her arms. “They can’t be too comfortable. Let me at least top you off.” Her paw raised and glowing green wisps of magic whispered through her fingers. She stepped closer, kneeling down to sit on her knees in front of him as Gaster leaned back a bit.

“Mrs. Halix, you don’t have to,” Gaster tried to deflect, “there’s others that are hurt worse than me that could use--”

“Nonsense,” the nurse chided, raising her hand up to the blind side of his face and settling her other hand on his shoulder to keep him close. Even if he couldn’t see the hand anymore, he could feel the sudden surge of soft comfort that wrapped around his skull and trickled and sighed against the agitated openings in his skull. “It’s been almost a full day when the sun comes up since we’ve been down here. Anyone who was in critical condition has been taken care of. We’re all just roaming and helping others heal as much as we can at this point.”

At this, the skeleton paused. _Almost a full day… then I was. Unconscious for hours. Heavens…_ Resigning, Gaster closed his eye and let the healing magic weave into the aches and dissolve the worst of the bite. The throbbing headache in his temples eased, pulling back with the sharpness of the cracks. Even his chest was touched, the constricting coil of pain loosening it’s grasp to something that didn't make breathing a tedious strain. The magic worked its way into his soul and he lifted his tea to drink more, taking in all the sensations to drown away the darkness from before. _Don’t let it sink in… there’s still more you need to know._

“That ought to be good for now,” Halix huffed. The scientist opened his eye in time to see her rock back on her heels, smiling tiredly but in satisfaction. “Should tide you over for a few hours and then I’ll come see how you’re doing. How’s that?”

“Sounds wonderful.” His voice was quiet, not quite as somber as his mood, but grateful. It didn’t hurt as much to talk now.

“Good.” Heaving herself up, the cat stepped away from him and stretched her arms over her head, tail flicking wildly as she stretched. Her arms dropped with a sigh, and she straightened her back with another smile down at him. “I’m going to go make some more rounds. If you need anything, just holler for me or send someone my way ok?”

Before he could get a word out to acknowledge her statement, a voice called out above the both of them, carrying through their little nook and ricochetting against the wall.

_“Gaster!”_

In an instant, Gaster was sitting up straight and his opened eye widened. Through the crowd broke a shape, the large monster moving quickly and attempting some form of politeness as he rushed forward. He shouldered his way through as carefully as he could, breaking rank from a group further away until he was free. From there, his heavy footfalls carried him swiftly forward with purpose and a fatigued grin. Gaster rose up and set his cup down in one fluid motion, unhindered by any chest pain as he grinned back widely in relief despite the sting on his face. The two of them took a few more strides toward one another before the larger monster’s arms spread, opening to grab and pull the skeleton close to his chest. The fuzzy arms encircled him in a tight hug, and in that moment Gaster was _so_ thankful he had just gotten a dose of green, knowing the motion would be _incredibly_ painful otherwise.

Sinking into his arms, the scientist returned the embrace and pressed the least injured side of his face to Asgore’s shoulder. And he laughed, truly laughed into what almost sounded like a sob. The sound was joined by a deeper, shaky laugh from above. _He’s alive, he’s alive, oh thank you..._

Moments slipped by the pair of them as they just relished in the fact the other was living, breathing. There to be _seen._ The shaky sounds of laughter wavered into silence, and it was Asgore who broke the stillness, moving his hands to place them on the skeleton’s arms and tilting his neck back to look down at him.

“Oh it’s so good to see you’re ok, my friend,” the king sighed, bowing his head a little with relief. “I saw them transport you underground when we were ushered down, but you were unconscious. I could only hope you were alright, and after that sighting I didn’t see you again… and there was so much to deal with thereafter that I...”

“I’m alright, Asgore, I promise. I’m just glad to see you are too,” Gaster interrupted with a laugh, shaking his head. His eye, however, moved upward to the top of his friend’s head. At the reason he hadn’t been able to see the tall silhouette before. He frowned quickly, reaching a hand halfway upward between them. “Oh, your horn…”

Golden eyes turned upward, and Asgore reached up a hand of his own to brush against the base of one of his horns. It was cleaved through, jagged and less than half the height it had been before. The very sight made Gaster feel sick.

“It’s no trouble, honestly,” the king reassured with a smile, his gaze turning back down to Gaster. “I won’t lie, it’s a bit painful, but nothing a bit of green won’t satiate. It will regrow.” His face sombered some, eyes searching over his friend’s face. “And your injuries? Are you alright?”

“Likewise, heh,” Gaster huffed with a small smirk. “All but the… regrowing part. They’ll get less painful as time goes.”

“So they will not heal completely?”

Gaster shook his head, his smile turning bitter and tasting it heavily in his mouth. “No.”

“I am sorry.” Asgore sighed slowly, deeply, and the skeleton frowned at the reaction. _Why… are you sorry?_ Before he could ask, his friend was talking again and summoning back a smile. “Look at you though! Standing on your own now.”

“Does it count if I’m leaned against you?” Gaster laughed, tilting back to stand more on his own two feet. His words were met with the deep laugh again, Asgore taking a step back himself but not without keeping a hand out to make sure the scientist didn’t need assistance. Once he was sure Gaster was fine, his arm dropped and his gaze turned toward the much smaller cat monster that still stood by quietly.

“And of course my deepest thanks to you, healer Halix,” Asgore said warmly and with one of his charming smiles to match, “for keeping him well.”

Halix straightened her posture again, bowing smoothly to his words and lifting back up with a meek smile. Her tail tip twitched behind her, and her paws folded neatly together. “I do my duty, Sire,” the medic hummed. Her eyes turned to Gaster and then back to the king, dipping her head respectfully. “And with that, please excuse me, as that same duty is needed elsewhere.”

Asgore simply chuckled, nodding his thanks. “Of course.”

With Halix’s departure, the pair of them moved back to Gaster’s cot and sat beside one another. Gaster took up his tea again, sipping at it while his eldest friend gazed out at the monsters gathered around them. It was a comfortable silence, one that kept the deepest of lonely feelings at bay. Asgore was alive, and that fact alone helped tremendously. Sure he’d been told before, but to see with his own eyes was more beneficial for his nerves. It was further, more solid proof than word of mouth. Right now, he’d rather see the truth before him than just be told. There was far less to see now anyways.

The thoughts prodded at him even in the companionable silence. Asgore was here within his reach, the potential bearer of so many answers. But those answers… did he truly want them? The risky need of the truth outweighed the comfort of naivete.

“This is really…” His voice was soft, quiet, and Gaster cleared his throat. The noise caught Asgore’s attention, drawing yellowed eyes toward him. “It’s… true then? This is really all of us?”

All he needed was to hear the deep sigh beside him to know his answer.

“I’m afraid so,” Asgore rumbled defeatedly. “The humans were… relentless. They backed us up, cornered us. So many of our people had already been lost, Wingding, that I crumbled and I _begged_ mercy to be given. For anything, just to keep the rest of us alive. I’ve never been so humiliated, but… I would sacrifice my pride if it meant keeping whoever else remained alive.”

_So… they are just like Joshua afterall._

Closing his eye, Gaster let out a huff on the verge of a sigh. No, he couldn’t think that way. It wasn’t _all_ the human race that felt like this. He had known some humans who were good, lovely people. He couldn’t… fall down that hole. Not to that despise and hatred. _I refuse to be like the ones who did this to us._

“They brought out mages,” Asgore continued, bringing the skeleton back with a haunted chill down his spine. “Seven of them.”

“ _Seven?”_ Gaster gawked, looking upward quickly. One was bad enough, two was mayhem. But _seven?_ No wonder they had all but been destroyed. He hadn't seen anyone who looked remotely like a mage on the field, where had they come from? Where had they been _hiding_ ? When he thought about it, Gaster wouldn't... have seen them anyway. He had been too focused on stopping the boy to notice anything else. A chilling thought crossed his mind in that moment, sending his soul into a nervous stutter. _The humans who took monster essence and experimented… They could have easily been cloaked mages. How were we so blind?_

“Seven,” the king confirmed, shaking his head with a sigh. “They told us if we were to live at all, it would be _beneath_ them. And they told us to flee into the mountain. They gave some more monsters time to join us before finally casting a spell.” Waving his hand forward, he indicated toward the shimmering wall beyond halfheartedly. “And created that.”

“The handiwork of seven human mages then?”

“Indeed.”

Gaster stiffened at the new voice, cringing toward his friend and shooting a panicked glance around him. On Asgore’s other side stood a monster just like the king, but her eyes were cold like her tone and deep red. Those eyes stared forward, not even looking in the direction of the two men. She hardly even acknowledging them except to answer the question.

“To break it is to use just as many souls that made it, and one monster as a toll,” Toriel said, ice dripping from her words despite the fire in her blood. Gaster’s soul was pounding, the ache creeping back up despite the temporary healing. The feeling of wrongness was returning, of guilt, of _what have you done?_ Never in his life had he actually _feared_ his best friend’s wife but that feeling was real, coursing up his back and nearly making his hands shake in terror. “And that is our fate, _doctor_. I will be in our tent, husband.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable, thick silence before Asgore spoke quietly, “...Yes, Tori.”

With that, Toriel moved and walked on. Gaster stared after her even as she disappeared, fighting a tremble in both anxiety and relief alike that she was leaving, that she wasn’t attacking. That she was gone. The sigh that split his lips left him nearly sinking off the cot, the creeping feeling from before inching upon him in a near choking wave.

“Please forgive her,” Asgore sighed, and the scientist could feel his friend’s hand settle on his back and snake around to his side to tug him gently closer. The presence helped a little at least. “She is… troubled by all of this. Just like everyone else.”

“Troubled by _me_ ,” Gaster countered shakily, raising a hand to try and cover his mouth. His soul was still racing, he honestly wanted to just pass out. He _felt_ like he was going to pass out. Why couldn’t he just start over? “She wants me dead.”

“She does not,” Asgore disagreed in a gentle chide, shaking his head. “She doesn’t want _anyone_ dead. Her feelings are conflicted but… I’m sure she will come around.” _I don’t share your optimism. Not at all. Sure. She’ll come around and take the rest of my face next time._ Gaster cringed at himself. _...I… Good God. I probably deserve it._

“Regardless, yes,” Asgore continued, “Seven mages, with a required seven souls of humans and one of a monster to break the barrier.”

“Some tax,” Gaster mumbled, lifting his tea to try and finish it off with his nerves. “That’s… not exactly doable when the humans are all on the other side.”

Asgore rumbled agreement, running a hand over his face with a sigh. “They did it on purpose, because they knew it was impossible. And that’s why I don’t plan to act on it. Instead, we move deeper in.”

“Deeper?” Gaster questioned, glancing up.

“Yes.” The king nodded. “I sent scouting groups not long after we were sealed in. I couldn’t just… let us sit here in a panic. The parties returned with news that there’s a vast tunnel that goes beyond this open chasm. In the meantime, we’re all gathered here to regroup and tally our loses. We won’t be staying by the barrier for long. I can’t risk those humans coming through and trying something else.” Sighing deeply, the king tilted his head back to stare upward at the yawning blackness above them. “We’ll venture further in to try and find a place more secure than this to settle.”

Nodding solemnly, Gaster put down his empty cup and folded his hands in his lap. It was almost like he was watching all of this instead of experiencing it. Between being shaken by Toriel’s sudden appearance and the influx of news that was their reality, nothing felt… solid. Real. Or true, or even tangible. He could be locked in the resets again for all he knew or a flipbook drawing flashing before his eyes. And somehow, instead of panic or worry, Gaster just felt… nothing. The anxiety from moments before still pricked at his bones, but it was more like a distant sensation rather than a gnawing dread.

“Our plans are to settle?” Gaster asked, tone far too level for someone who had been in near silent hysterics minutes before.

“I don’t know what other choice we have,” Asgore confided with a shake of his head. “I refuse to let my people lose hope staring at the wall. I know if we try, we can rebuild. Perhaps it won’t be so bad. I’d like to think that being down here will be our own little world. It won’t be much, but it’ll be away from the humans.” Stroking his beard, the king’s gaze remained fixed on the pulsing magic beyond. “I hate that it’s come to this, this disruption in what I otherwise hoped would eventually be peace. But we’ll survive, and we’ll take what we can get from this new world.”

“Nobel,” Gaster mused quietly. “I suppose it’s best that we don’t sit and wither away here.”

Asgore hummed in agreement, glancing from the corner of his eye toward his friend.

“You know,” he mused, “If we are to rebuild, I’ll need all the help I can get. I could really use a loyal scientist at my side who's got a knack for engineering. It would be especially handy in building schematics and for us to make different things we may no longer have down here.”

At this, the fog finally snapped. Gaster blinked and looked up skeptically, frowning as his eye searched his oldest friend's face. He fought for words, thoughts colliding into one another in a mess of uncertainty and nerves.

“I’m more than willing to lend my hand, Asgore,” he finally said slowly, unsurely, “but what about Toriel? You saw her. She wants nothing to do with me. She wouldn’t approve of my help or my hand in anything.”

The King sighed deeply, combing his hand through his mane of fur, “She is still angry, that is certain. For right now though, that can’t be helped. I’m sure she can put the differences aside for the betterment of our people. For our best chance at survival. To me, you are my Royal Scientist no matter what.”

“Royal Scientist.”

The title played on his tongue, leaving the taste of years of promises and goals in its wake. Asgore had asked him to pursue this path, and after a lot of persistence, the skeleton buckled and agreed. He studied, he worked, he did everything he could to earn his place in the palace and not just by the recommendation of his connections. The position hadn’t been pressing at the time of his graduation. A Royal Scientist hadn’t been appointed for roughly two decades. Now, with their numbers severed so tremendously, the call to truly appoint a Royal Scientist may very well be needed. And as promised… it would go to Gaster. _Am I really ready to have… all of that on me? The entirety of monsterkind?_

“I’ll need a team,” Gaster huffed, looking up. “But… I think I can put one together.”

“I will send word through my guard and the medics that we’re looking for scientists and architects,” Asgore rumbled with a nod. “The best way to motivate the masses is to give them something to do. I’m sure we can find those who are itching to be helpful among us.”

“Yes, that’s a good start. Thank you.” Sighing heavily, Gaster lifted a hand and rubbed it over the top of the left side of his skull. So this… really _was_ happening. He couldn’t just wallow and sit in hollowness, he had to get motivated. He had to _do_ things, to improve lives. _I can… do that. Just. Not right this second. I… I can do that when we figure out where we’re going. Once we move._

It was a daunting task. Rebuilding from truly _nothing_ would be a challenge, and rebuilding for so many people… The thought alone was enough to send him over the edge. But he would have help. Halix had already mentioned her husband was fond of him, maybe he would be a good start? It was worth a shot. Surely… anything would be in the end. _I just have to actually believe that._

Nodding to himself, Gaster lifted his head to look at the monsters around him. Activity had lessened, the light filtering through the barrier having vanished not long ago. _Evening time. Ah... Definitely missed Grillby's dinner offer. Oh well._ People were settling down into sleep now, the noise of movement fading into breathing and sleep sounds or soft lullabies for those troubled. These were _his_ people now. Well, the title wasn’t official by ceremony or by both monarchs approval, but he might as well think as much. Anything to preserve a spark of motivation and to keep him away from the ravenous pit of despair and self deprecation.  

In the meantime, they would rest -- beaten -- but they would continue. They would hold onto hope, to what little they could possibly muster, and Asgore and Toriel would do their best to uphold it and feed it.

Idly, gently, Gaster touched his fingertips to his battered face. Cracks… scars. Bruises. They all had them. And Gaster, whether he liked it or not, he would live with these cracks for the rest of his life. Reminders of the choices he made. Perhaps he couldn't right the wrongs he had done to gain them, but he would accept them as his consequence. He would bear them, understand them, learn and do his best to move on without them being a hinderance.

Scientific progression called for no looking back. Mistakes were simply the messy steps of progress. He had the opportunity to help improve the future for them all, to make this hell liveable. Their race was near death, but they would persevere, and they... would live on. And he could _help_. The underground would be their new home, not their tomb. A new beginning, not the end. He could… afford to have hope in things so long as evidence proved it could be real. While it wasn’t promising right now, maybe later down the road it would improve for them.

Improve for _him_.

_Time had a funny way of affecting things, after all._


End file.
